Lori

Excursion 10.31.09

2009-11-01T12:54:00.001-08:00

fun @ the pumpkin patch

2009-10-12T14:37:00.001-07:00

Maggie

2009-09-30T14:25:00.001-07:00

which side of the flower is the prettiest?

2009-09-17T15:54:00.001-07:00

You make me Smile

2009-09-15T12:56:00.000-07:00

Rapid City, August 2009

2009-09-02T14:29:00.001-07:00

A short vacation to visit with family and friends.

As always, I had a wonderful time! So good to see everyone and to catch up.

Wisdom

2009-08-20T12:09:00.000-07:00

My friend in Alaska, Rebecca, lost her brother this month at the young age of 35. She offered up these incredibly insightful words in an email to me yesterday. I think a lot of us feel this way (I sure do!) but to see it in print written so eloquently was truly amazing. I wanted to share....

"Having lost some dear friends and now a brother, all in the prime of their lives, it is abundantly clear to me that there are no guarantees for a long life. We have only this moment, now, to be the best we can be, to love the most we can love, to give as much as we can give. There isn’t a moment to lose. Life is certainly filled with challenges and pain but the trick is to celebrate and appreciate all the beauty, because there is so much beauty and that’s what is worth remembering. The rest is just filler."

Thank you, Rebecca! I know in my heart that you will live each day you have to it's very fullest!

At the Beach 08/13/09

2009-08-15T16:26:00.001-07:00

Garret's Birthday

2009-08-15T16:00:00.000-07:00

Happy 15th Birthday!!

Lilly, Evan & Garret

We got him the same card! Yes, it was planned :)

Uncle Troy's watch.

It's not a beer kozie...it's a piggy bank Lil made.
Grandma Patty & Lilly
Lilly's new party dress!

Evan and a mini-dice. Too cute!

County Fair!

2009-08-15T15:53:00.000-07:00

Beautiful Song!

2009-08-12T14:54:00.000-07:00

Closer to Love...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0CzCQFKORM

100 Simple Secrets of Happy People

2009-08-11T14:17:00.000-07:00

1. Your life has purpose and meaning.
2. Use a strategy for happiness.
3. You don't have to win every time.
4. Your goals should be aligned with one another.
5. Choose your comparisons wisely.
6. Cultivate friendships.
7. Turn off the TV.
8. Accept yourself - unconditionally.
9. Remember where you came from.
10. Limit yourself to thinking about one subject as you lie down to sleep.
11. Friendship beats money.
12. Have realistic expectations.
13. Be open to new ideas.
14. Share with others how important they are to you.
15. If you're not sure, guess positively.
16. Believe in yourself.
17. Don't believe in yourself too much.
18. Don't face your problems alone.
19. Age is not to be feared.
20. Develop a household routine.
21. Don't be overprotective.
22. Pay attention. You may have what you want.
23. Don't let your religious beliefs fade.
24. Do what you say you are going to do.
25. Don't be aggressive with your friends and family
26. Root for the home team.
27. Don't confuse stuff with success.
28. Every relationship is different.
29. Don't think "what if."
30. Volunteer.
31. If you can't reach your goals, your goals will hurt you.
32. Exercise.
33. Little things have big meanings.
34. It's not what happened, it's how you think about what happened.
35. Develop some common interests with loved ones.
36. Laugh.
37. Don't let your entire life hinge on one element.
38. Share of Yourself.
39. Busy Is Better Than Bored.
40. Satisfaction Is Relative.
41. Learn to Use a Computer.
42. Try to Think Less About the People and Things That Bother You.
43. Keep Your Family Close.
44. Eat Some Fruit Every Day.
45. Enjoy What You Have.
46. Think in concrete Terms.
47. Be Socially Supportive.
48. Don’t Blame Yourself.
49. Be a Peacemaker.
50. Cherish Animals.
51. Make Your Work a Calling.
52. Never Trade Your Morals for Your Goals.
53. Don’t Pretend to Ignore things Your Loved Ones do that Bother You.
54. Get a Good Night’s Sleep.
55. Buy What You Like.
56. Accomplish Something Every Day.
57. Be Flexible.
58. Events Are Temporary.
59. Be Your Own Fan.
60. Join a Group.
61. Be Positive.
62. There Will Be an End, but You Can Be Prepared.
63. How We See the World Is More Important Than How the World Is.
64. Keep a Pen and Paper Handy.
65. Help the Next Person Who Needs Some Minor Assistance.
66. Take Care Not to Harshly Criticize Family and Friends.
67. Some People Like the Big Picture, and Others Like the Details.
68. Do things You Are Good At.
69. Go visit Your Neighbor.
70. Smile.
71. Don’t Accept Television’s Picture of the World.
72. You Always Have a Choice.
73. Be Agreeable.
74. Don’t Ignore One Part of Your Life.
75. Listen to Music.
76. Let Your Goals Guide You.
77. Use Your Job Positively.
78. Don’t Forget to Have Fun.
79. Believe in Ultimate Justice.
80. Reminisce.
81. Be Conscientious.
82. Don’t Dwell on Unwinnable Conflicts.
83. Enjoy the Ordinary.
84. Focus Not on the World’s Tragedies, but on the World’s Hope.
85. Get a Hobby.
86. Envying Other People’s Relationships is Pointless.
87. Give Yourself Time to Adapt to Change.
88. Focus on What Really Matters to You.
89. Realize that Complete Satisfaction does Not Exist.
90. Surround Yourself with Pleasant Aromas.
91. Don’t Let Others Set Your Goals.
92. You Are a Person, Not a Stereotype.
93. Know What Makes You Happy and Sad.
94. Keep Reading.
95. We Must Feel Needed.
96. Say “So What”
97. Have a Purpose.
98. You Have Not Finished the Best Part of Your Life.
99. Money Does Not Buy Happiness.
100. What Does it All Mean? You Decide.

Chehalis Sightings

2009-08-10T12:11:00.000-07:00

Hoquiam House!

2009-07-30T12:22:00.000-07:00

Happiness

2009-07-09T12:32:00.000-07:00

The real joy of life is in its play. Play is anything we do for the joy and love of doing it, apart from any profit, compulsion, or sense of duty. It is the real joy of living. - Walter Rauschbusch

Perceive and rejoice that life is abundant, that beauty and goodness are amply available . . . that your happiness is in your hands. - Paul Hodges

The moments of happiness we enjoy take us by surprise. It is not that we seize them, but they seize us. - Ashley Montagu

4th of July Float

2009-07-06T16:09:00.001-07:00

off to the races...

2009-06-16T16:48:00.001-07:00

Love Life

2009-06-11T17:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was doing a little shopping at JC Penney and found this great ring. I bought one - of course! - and would love to have purchased them for all my family and friends, too, but not having an abundance of funds or knowing your sizes, you'll just have to run out and get your own!

The other thing I thought was fabulous, was the ring came with a little card that says,
"Whenever you wear this ring remember to be courageous, follow your dreams and love life."

"What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything."
...Vincent Van Gogh

Evan's Birthday --- I know...AGAIN!

2009-06-10T12:24:00.001-07:00

The big 5!

Celebrating my birthday!

2009-06-04T11:27:00.000-07:00

Summer Fun!

2009-06-04T11:19:00.001-07:00

At the fountain in Olympia

Westport, WA...May 3, 2009

2009-05-04T11:44:00.000-07:00

I thought this sea lion was going to grab me by the foot and pull me in! Scary!!

These fishermen carried their halibut on a broomstick through town.

Grays Harbor Light House

Life on the Farm

2009-04-25T15:02:00.001-07:00

Mom's Caption for photo:

Becky & Lori (our "Rag Muffins") with two of our 5 goats. The goats are Nubians and were 4 weeks old when this photo was taken. The girls are out in the barn constantly during the spring - what with all the baby animals and excitement, it's much more fun to be out there than in the house.

May 1981.

Little Lori

2009-04-25T13:42:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I think I'm completely darling in this pic!

But what I also love is the stuff in the background: the can of Bud, the vintage radio, the bananas on the coffe table, the lamp...so 1974.

Senior Letter

2009-04-25T12:48:00.000-07:00

I wrote this on May 4, 1990. I can't actually remember the reasoning behind the letter, I'm guessing to see how far we'd come with goals and life in general. We left these with our teacher to be mailed in five years but to my surprise (and, honestly, I'd forgotten all about the letter) mine came in the mail a few weeks ago. Here are some excerpts...

...Right now many things are important to me: my goals, being happy and enjoying life. My family is important to me. My friends mean a lot to me, too.

...I see myself as an energetic, fun-loving, fairly intelligent young woman. I have goals for the future, lots of friends, ambition and some style.

...Secret fears: that I'll be a failure in the eyes of my parents. They always want me to be so much. I'm just afraid that I'll let them down and then they'll be disappointed. I guess that knowing that my parents are upset with me or disappointed in me would just crush my heart. I really don't have any other fears.

...I hope that in five years from today my life has changed for the better and that I'm very happy with the way things have turned out.

Hidden Treasures

2009-04-21T20:55:00.000-07:00

I was out with a friend on Friday to Ruby Beach (beautiful place about 70 miles north of Hoquiam). It was one of those gorgeous spring days that almost feels like summer and gives you hope that the mold between your toes will actually go away! On the way back we spotted an old dumping ground and had to stop for a great photo op. I loved this ancient dresser and the knob...so much so that the knob now belongs to me.

Don't let opportunities pass you by - call the person you love, stop to see that metal goat, eat at the fancy restaurant, buy the expensive coffee - because we know that today we can, but we don't know what tomorrow brings......

It might actually be spring!

2009-04-14T12:17:00.001-07:00

Olympia, Washington

Classic VWs

2009-04-13T22:45:00.000-07:00

Cape Meares Light, Oregon Coast

2009-04-08T11:58:00.000-07:00

Words of Wisdom

2009-04-01T20:37:00.000-07:00

"To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe." ~Anatole France

"You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when. You can only decide how you're going to live. Now." ~ Joan Baez

"Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver." ~Barbara DeAngelis

"Don't be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin." ~Grace Hansen

"The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for." ~Allan K. Chalmers

This is for you, Tiffany...

2009-03-27T13:23:00.000-07:00

Reason, Season and Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,

it is usually to meet a need

you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty,

to provide you with guidance and support,

to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend, and they are.

They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrong doing on your part

or at an inconvenient time,this person will say or do something

to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.

Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met,

our desire fulfilled; their work is done.

The prayer you sent up has been answered

and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON,

it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.

They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.

They may teach you something you have never done.

They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;

those things you must build upon in order to

have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson,love the person/people (anyway);

and put what you have learned to use in all

other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

~Author Unknown

Candice's Visit

2009-03-18T21:44:00.000-07:00

March 11th: Arrival to Seattle. Pike Place Market. Super Genius Tattoo (for Candice!).

March 12th: I had to work :( Candice had a nice day of R&R. Met with friends for dinner.

March 13th: Journey to Forks and LaPush via Quinault (home of "Twilight"). Gorgeous day - sunny and 60+. Ruby Beach on way back to Aberdeen. Lori to work @ 9pm...Candice came out with Becky to witness the calamity of Trio's Bar & Grill. Fun for all!!

March 14th: Rainy. Stayed in to download pictures.

March 15th: Out to lunch with friends. Candice stayed at Becky's in the afternoon while I went to work.

March 16th: Explored downtown Aberdeen for some bargain shopping!

March 17th: Off to Westport for beach combing. Our almost-lost-with-no-gas day, too! I'll try to post a link. So funny!

March 18th: Candice goes home. I'm sad for her departure...but so thrilled we had a great week together.

Clever

2009-03-08T04:19:00.000-07:00

mailbox planters in Aberdeen

Pacific Beach

2009-03-02T21:01:00.001-08:00

Port Townsend

2009-03-02T20:30:00.001-08:00

after the rain

2009-02-11T12:19:00.000-08:00

Arizona

2009-02-10T15:50:00.000-08:00

Just home from a quick four-day vacation to Phoenix to meet up with Gary and Sharon and visit Courtney and her family and also Gary's brother and his family. It was a whirlwind trip, to say the least! I also tried to change my ticket in order to attend my uncle's memorial service on Monday, but that didn't work out with ticket prices, change fees and standby schedules. Anyway...it was great to be away a few days and even better to see my family and friends. We just don't do it often enough.

January evening at the beach

2009-01-20T03:25:00.001-08:00

2009-01-13T13:02:00.000-08:00

and...

2009-01-13T12:47:00.000-08:00

Figure out how to make Russian cheese and onion rolls! Just like the ones from Piroshky Piroshky in Seattle. These are TDF! Everyone who tastes them falls head over heals. Not that the 2 hour drive each way isn't worth it (especially with good company)...but to make those in my own little kitchen would be the best thing ever.

This year I want to...

2009-01-08T11:13:00.000-08:00

Spend time with my family and friends,

Travel,

Put away some money,

Get to the beach as much as possible,

Be more patient with Sheriff,

Use my cookbooks,

Dust!,

Publish Troy's short stories and drawings,

Increase my design business,

Consider buying a house (or prepare to do that next year),

Do what makes me happy :o)

How cute are these girls??!

2009-01-03T16:59:00.001-08:00

Circa 1974 (or so)

New Year's Resolutions

2009-01-03T14:02:00.000-08:00

I know that everyone (okay, some people) make new year's resolutions. I'm not going to. Well, maybe to either use my Y membership or cancel it for good. I haven't been in months and don't see any time slots opening up in the near future. Anyway, I don't have any bad habits and don't feel like I need to change my life - I love ME. Really, I do. People think I'm crazy that after the recent events in my life I remain so positive. It's a choice. I chose how I feel. I'm frustrated by people who say "you made me sad/mad," "you hurt my feelings," etc. We ALLOW ourselves to be hurt or be upset and I say don't let others step on your life buzz! It may be my two brushes with death in 2007 (the lightning strike and the car accident) that have altered my perception or it may be a Lori thing. I was pretty damn resilient right from the beginning when I came into this world.

I sound like I'm on a soapbox today, sorry folks!

In closing, I guess my resolution is to keep the smile on my face, the love in my heart and beautiful thoughts in my mind. I hope the same for each of you.

Happy New Year 2009 - may it bring you everything you desire.

Love, Lori

Holiday Merriment

2008-12-22T22:10:00.001-08:00

My tree. It's on the kitchen counter - but it is awfully cute!

My favorite sailboat ornament - it's ceramic and has a hole in the bottom for the light.

Me and sister, Becky, with the Jolly Man!

Mrs. Claus' cool socks! You know how much I love these :o)

Sheriff running in the snow.

Beautiful ornaments at the Grand Heron.

The Christmas Letter that isn't

2008-12-17T22:44:00.000-08:00

Dear Friends,

Happy Holidays! I really, truly thought about writing a letter this year. It was always something I liked to do and enjoyed reminiscing about the year and finding fun photos to include. This year it isn't going to happen - again. There was absolutely no way to do it last year and now I just don't even know where to start. I think I'll capture the highlights after the first of the year on my blog (you'll have to read to be informed). I will send cards and this darling picture to those of you on my paper mailing list.

I wish you each a season of peace and joy and hope that 2009 brings you happiness and love.
Lori

Things I can't talk about

2008-12-15T11:38:00.000-08:00

Sometimes when I lay in bed in the morning or stand in the shower the memories of that day come back to me so clearly I feel like it's happening all over again. I don't know why. Some say I suffer from PTSD. I don't know. This is probably just my minds way of processing a tragic/traumatic event. In time, I'm told, new memories and events will replace the old and we have a way of remembering only the good things (I guess that's how people have more than one baby - they forget the pain of delivery and only remember that beautiful newborn). Regardless, for now I continue to travel between the good and the bad, the happy and the sad, the joy and the anger, the acceptance and the guilt, the laughter and the tears.

The Ship

2008-12-08T13:56:00.000-08:00

This writing came to me recently from a new friend and recent widower. Thank you, Rick, for sharing these beautiful words and your story.

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean.

She is an object of beauty and strength, and I stand watching her until she is only a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky meet and mingle with each other. Then someone at my side exclaims, "There, she's gone."

Gone where? Gone from my sight, that is all. She is just as large in hull and mast and spar as she was when she left my side, and just as able to bear her load of living freight to the place of her destination. Her diminished size is in me, not in her.

And, just at the moment when someone at my side says, "She's gone," there are other eyes watching for her coming and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, "Here she comes!"

(F. A. Fredrickson)

The memories of our loved ones live on forever in our hearts and minds. I'm so thankful to have had an abundance of wonderful adventures with Troy. May he enjoy the peace of his new voyage.

Love,

Lori

It's a small world

2008-12-05T10:48:00.000-08:00

Posted by my blog friend.
Thank you T for your compassion and support!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

To my friend Lori.
You are an amazing woman. You have offered nothing but kindness and inspiring words. I think of you especially today. Troy is proud of you. I am proud of you. I wish you nothing but happiness and peace in the days ahead. Watching (reading) you gives me hope. Troy and B are up there smiling that we have met. I wish I were closer, so we could actually meet and drink to our fabulous husbands who had to leave us all too soon.
Love,
Me.

This Thanksgiving

2008-12-01T10:14:00.000-08:00

We were able to be at the Plateau to visit Troy and Handsome. There are always many emotions as we approach the Plateau, and this is the first in 41 years without my son in my life. Gary and I are so thankful for the support of our family and friends and so grateful that Lori will always be our daughter. Joining us for the day were my sister Karen and her husband Bob, our dear friends Jerry and Susie, Rod and Nicky. Together we climbed the Plateau, and even though Lori could not be with us, she was there in our hearts and thoughts. It was a crisp clear day and we enjoyed the beautiful view of Mt. Rushmore from afar, and the vast rolling plains.

We joined hands around the cross and shared the things that we admired, appreciated and loved about Troy, when he was young he made many trips up to the plateau either on a four wheeler, horse back, truck or hiking (what fun he had) he chose a unique and incredible resting place. We will be back to visit soon.

We miss and love you so much!! Gary and MAMA

I give thanks

2008-11-27T19:55:00.000-08:00

Today is such a day of reflection for me. It's been almost one year since my life took a drastic turn and not a day goes by when I don't question why this all happened. Why am I here? Why did Troy die and why did I survive? Even though I ask these things over and over - I do know one answer - I'm here because my journey continues. I may not know exactly what that is, but I know that I do cherish the day and wake each morning with a smile knowing that I am alive and I do feel good. There may be valleys to balance my peaks...but they do not last and I am not depressed and I do not hate and I do the very most I can to limit my negativity - especially to those things or people that I have no control over.

So many people have touched my life in the last year that I know by naming you individually I will surely leave out someone important. Please don't take offense if you don't find yourself mentioned, because even if I may overlook someone inadvertently you are all important to me.

My parents. Your love, support, listening and respect have made a huge impact on my healing.

My sister. You have listened to me cry and scream. You took charge right away when Troy died and planned the memorial and made sure all those things that had to be done that I couldn't even think about doing were done. You are amazing and strong and I hope you know that.

Gary and Sharon. You were handed an incredible sadness with the death of your son, Troy. Yet you never faultered in taking care of your daughter - mentally, emotionally, spiritually and financially. I don't know how we would have survived this last year without each other. I have loved you since I met you and always felt a part of your family and want you to know that will NEVER change.

The kids: my nephews and niece. You may never know how incredible your youth, attitude, naivety, and sheer abandon have made me see the joy in life.

David. You opened your home to me and have always offered up good advice.

Maryjo. My "wife." I call her this because I feel the same things about her that we say in wedding vows - I love her no matter what! She's been such a rock in my life, and not just this last year, but since I met her. She's amazing!

Candice. My dearest friend. I don't know how I would have dealt with being in the hospital and packing the farmhouse without the help from her and Bob. Her faith in God is unwavering and the love and kindness that she has shown me in my life is worth more than all the money in the world!

Grandma and Grandpa. There are no words to express how blessed I feel to have you in my life!

Garry and Marcia. Your love, spiritual insight and ability to listen are so important to me.

Courtney. I think our relationship is a bridge for me. It combines my past with your future. I look forward to building our friendship.

Friends - old and new. I believe that each person who enters my life is here for a reason. You have all touched my heart and my soul and made me the person I am today.

I give thanks for all those I love and who love me, too. I hope that you know what you have done for me is without question the most selfless thing one human can do for another. If I can ever return the favor don't hesitate to let me know and I'll be by your side in an instant!

With all my love,
Lori

Let's Eat Cake!

2008-11-18T15:42:00.001-08:00

Happy Birthday, Lilly!

Therapy

2008-11-18T14:53:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I attended two therapy sessions - one private Acutonics (see: http://www.7keyssound.com/) session combined with acupuncture and one group Gong Attunement. It's hard to even put into words the different feelings I experienced from both these appointments. I definitely felt a freeing sensation and with my eyes closed could see clouds of gray particles leaving my body. I suppose these were the negative energies and/or bad thoughts, etc. I know all this "new age" stuff is a little weird for some of you, however, it sure seems to be helping me and at this point in life I make no judgements!

I was reminded that energy is a valuable thing and that the positive energy we have is meant for our mental, emotional and spiritual well being. Try to keep those negative thoughts out of your head and out of your life! I'm going to do my best...Also, surround yourself with positive people and events and don't forget to laugh.

We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. ~Frederick Keonig

Today I Cried

2008-11-06T15:38:00.000-08:00

Have I shared that I haven't been able to cry since I came back from Rapid City in August? I think it was because of the closure that I experienced while I was there - placing the cross at the Plateau where Troy's ashes are spread and also leaving some of Handsome's ashes, as well. I had a great (although short) visit with Gary and Sharon and once again we were able to connect on an incredibly emotional level. Since that time I've been feeling that my sadness has been banished and replaced by such positive memories of Troy and all the wonderful things we experienced together. That I grew a lot in that time - that I gave and received love, joy and happiness. Three simple things that many people take for granted...or worse yet, never feel, or never allow themselves to feel.

Fast forward to today: I met a woman through a mutual friend. I'll call this new person in my life, MP, a definite spiritual connection. She's the owner of Soul Picnic, a special retreat center here, she's also a massage therapist and leader of a healing circle on Sunday mornings. As soon as I looked into her eyes I knew that this beautiful woman had come into my life for a very important reason. After just a few minutes of sharing the tears had sprung from my eyes, and let me tell you - RELIEF! Just in those brief seconds of talking I realized how (once again) I am strong, but I don't always have to be. This is my life and I love it and I have control over how I feel and who I let in to share it with...and I chose to add MP to my circle.

Don't call on Sunday morning, I won't be answering. I'll be at Soul Picnic taking care of me.
L

A Mother's Words

2008-10-13T19:36:00.000-07:00

A while back I shared some of Grandma O'Neill's writings from her memories book. I want to take some time to do the same with "A Mother's Memories," in which Sharon answered questions and attached photos of Troy for his 30th birthday.

When I first held my baby, I felt: a little nervous, so many things to remember. But once I got comfortable with him it was a warm and fulfilling feeling, he fit perfect in my arms. He was a little chunk - I hugged every inch of him.

Some of the heartwarming and amusing things I remember are: I would say "you baby, me mommy..." He said baby first! He loved his pets, but would call the dog Kitty and the kitty Dog. I thought it was so cute I just let him do it. One day he said "Mom, we're calling the kitty and dog wrong." Smile was the next word, as I was always in front of him with a camera saying "smile." If anyone mentioned camera or picture, the automatic smile was on his face.

I can remember some of Troy's favorite toys, like: Mr. Rabbit and a wooden riding giraffe, long-necked, spotted yellow and black and red. And in thinking of them now, I once again feel: so happy that I got some gifts he truly loved. He would pack Mr. Rabbit everywhere we went, he named it and seldom shared it. Many nights he'd fall asleep with Mr. Rabbit's tune, The Lullaby. It was even almost destroyed by a bad dog, I had a friend make him over, he now had one ear, one eye, no music box and different material, but still his favorite. Now, the giraffe didn't get the tender loving care that Mr. Rabbit did, it had wheels, four of them and made of wood and a seat Troy could sit on. It got pushed, thrown down, hammered on, stood upon and many times found upside down. But the string in it's mouth always had to be straight. They shared many miles together!In remembering family times together, some of the things I value most are: I guess this would be on the Hermosa Ranch because as a family we were always doing everything together. Troy always had such a great sense of humor and found fun even doing the daily chores. Those were the years I watched him grow and learn and happiness was all he knew.

Sharon, Thank you for sharing such wonderful memories of Troy! I know how much he enjoyed reading through your answers to the questions in this book and I know that now it's so nice for me to read through your beautiful words.

I love you!

Lori

What I've learned as the Nanny

2008-09-29T22:55:00.000-07:00

I know our parents said it about us, but kids are just different these days! We used to mop the floor, now the kids want to know if I'm going to "swiffer." Do they know what a mop is? There's all day kindergarten and caring what your hair looks like when you're 5. I never wondered if my friends were going to like the clothes my parents bought me (at least not until junior high) and we didn't do our shopping together on the internet. We had frogger and pack-man and now kids all around the planet play World of Warcraft together. We didn't have cell phones - crap, we had a party line and a rotary dial!

But even with all the differences, there are some things that remain the same. Little Evan told me matter-of-factly today that I'm his family and he asked who my family was. I told his he was my family, too. We took advantage of an 80 degree day and blew up the pool and made "rain" with the hose and tramped around in the soaking wet grass after we poured out the water. Each day walking home from kindergarten Lilly takes one hand and Evan takes the other and we look both ways before crossing the street.

It's a pretty incredible mission to help shape these young lives. To be responsible for their safety, their learning, their manners -- all the character building that will lead them into adulthood. It's daunting and thrilling and I'm looking forward to what's ahead for these intelligent, beautiful children.

Instructions for Life

2008-09-19T14:18:00.000-07:00

From the Dali Lama...

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

3. Follow the three R’s:
Respect for self
Respect for others and
Responsibility for all your actions.

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

8. Spend some time alone every day.

9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.

12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.

13. In disagreements with loved ones deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.

14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.

15. Be gentle with the earth.

16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.

17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

I love you, too, Maryjo!

2008-09-10T12:33:00.001-07:00

This came to me today from my dear friend Maryjo. I may not officially be "old" but I'm definitely "older" and can so relate to this. Enjoy! lco

Age, I decided, is a gift. I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!), but I don't agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend.

I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon?

I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60's & 70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love .. I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day. (If I feel like it)

MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART! MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE A RAINBOW OF SMILES ON YOUR FACE AND IN YOUR HEART FOREVER AND EVER!

POE

2008-09-03T12:08:00.001-07:00

View my page on Photographers of Etsy

Are my parents reading?

2008-09-01T10:48:00.001-07:00

Okay. So if you know me, you know I'm the rebel child. Always have been [ask my mom, I was born in the hospital hallway] and always will be [why change now?]. So, in honor of Handsome's special place in my life and my heart he now has a spot on my ankle where I can always see him and think back fondly of all the great times we shared.

PS: it's really hard to take a picture of your own ankle!

I finally rode the Pig!

2008-09-01T10:46:00.001-07:00

At least I remembered to cover my crotch :o)

Thank you for being a friend

2008-09-01T09:52:00.000-07:00

On the beach in Westport

I forgot to mention that I brought a hitchhiker home from RC with me. My dear friend, I'll call her Coco, lent me her 13 yo daughter for a week. M3 rode home from SD with me (I know, poor girl!!) and we spent 7 days exploring Aberdeen, the local beaches, hitting the fair, shopping in Olympia, meeting my friends and family here and just having a darn good time! She is such a wonderful young lady that I almost didn't let her leave! And then Coco came on Thursday and we had a jam-packed 4 days before they both went home to SD together. There were only a few tears during our visit but lots and lots of laughter. As always, my friends help me immensely with my continued healing. I want to share a few fun pics from our week together...

Is there a Sunset Dance? Ocean Shores

Eating the delicious Piroshki Piroshki. Seattle

It's not just the destination...

2008-08-24T00:09:00.000-07:00

Beautiful Sunflower Fields in Logan, Montana

Another Healing Journey

2008-08-23T23:22:00.000-07:00

I had a great trip to Rapid City last week. I went for a family reunion - which was actually down-sized due to other commitments, gas and flight prices, etc. Regardless of the lack of many out-of-towners, I was able to spend Friday through Sunday with Gary and Sharon! I always love our visits and come away feeling like an even bigger part of their family (if that's possible) and much closer to them and Troy, too. It's almost magical, how after a few days of talking, laughing and crying with Sharon and Gary I feel as if the hole in my heart is a little smaller and a little less calloused.

A few special notes about the week:
On Sunday afternoon we (Gary, Sharon, cousin Lonny, good friend Jerry and wife Nicole and myself) went to the plateau to place the identical cross we nailed at the crash site in Maine. It was a beautiful day and so nice to be together for such a special occasion. We even had Sheriff with us so he could run around and enjoy the plateau and the scenery (although he did bark at the cows on the way back!). I also brought along some of Handsome's ashes to lay at the base of the cross. I didn't share this with my family and friends on the plateau that day, but I have a new internet friend who recently lost her husband unexpectedly and has experienced a "spirit animal" --- Tiffany: I want you to know that Brian was with us that day as we remembered Troy.

A common occurrence in my life recently has been a connection with people I don't know who I've either been able to help or who have helped me with grief. A good example is my blog friend mentioned above. However, it's also happened here in Aberdeen and in South Dakota. I had an interesting encounter in Butte, Montana, on my way to RC that reminds me that every day, all over this planet, people lose their loved ones. It's hard. It doesn't matter what people tell you to try or say to you - you still have to go through your own grieving process. One day at a time. And sometimes, it's one hour or even one minute at a time. I so appreciate all the people in my life who give me support and love and understanding. I can't imagine having gone through Troy's loss without each and every one of you.

lco

Family

2008-08-09T22:10:00.001-07:00

I'm headed to South Dakota for a family reunion next week. I can't wait to see my family! Sharon and I talk all the time and as much as I enjoy each of those conversations, it's just so nice to see my loved ones face to face! I also miss my dear friends, Maryjo and Candice and their great husbands and beautiful children. I have a jam-packed five day trip and am driving there and back (1200 miles one way). My little travel buddy, Sheriff, is coming with and will help to pass the long hours on the road.

As most of you reading this blog know, Troy has some wonderful grandparents in Rapid City. Red and Helen have been a part of my life since I met Troy. We used to go over to their house on Fox Run while we were still dating for dinner, and let me tell you, Grandma could put on a good meal! Since I had very few grandparents in my life growing up I have felt truly blessed to have these kind, loving, intelligent people in my life. Troy had great stories of Red and Helen traveling to Florida to see him, camping trips all over the mid-west in the Tioga, growing up on the ranch adjoining his grandparents property, how they helped after the flood of '72, and so many more. There's no way I can ever relate all of them here.

In 1996 I sent Helen a "Grandmother's Memories" book to fill out for Troy's 30th birthday. (I also sent one to Sharon to do the same). I ran across these books recently during my move and thought this was so darling. I wanted to share it here:

When I first became a grandmother, I felt: like a million dollars. Troy was my first grandchild and he was such a sweet, lovable boy - blonde and blue eyes. For me, some of the most enjoyable things about being a grandmother are: the many times Troy spent at our house, sometimes a week or two at a time. Our home was his home and we went to shows and shopping. I spent a lot of time at K-Mart while he decided which toys he wanted.

For me, I won't forget the times Grandma and Grandpa came to visit us. They flew to Portland when we lived on the Oregon Coast and also to Alaska. We even took them sailing near Juneau on our sailboat and Troy somehow coerced Grandpa into getting into the Zodiac inflatable boat for a ride! It was the funniest thing I've ever seen - Grandpa Red had one hand on the boat and the other on his cowboy hat and they were buckin' the waves!! Troy loved to share his enthusiasm and adventures with his grandparents and I think they loved it, too.

I'm so fortunate to have these wonderful people in my life. I'll see you both soon!

Love,

Lori

You Have Become

2008-08-01T21:58:00.000-07:00

The following poem came to me today with Handsome's ashes. I thought it was beautiful and so appropriate for both Handsome and Troy.

You have become the wind that plays in my hair.

You have become the water that washes away my pain.

You have become the sun that takes away my tears.

You have become the shadow who gives me the power to fight with all my fears.

Now you are in heaven, sleeping your endless sleep,

Living your prettiest dreams on a cloud, so soft and so deep...

By Sanja Temnik

Handsome

2008-07-26T17:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my Handsome boy passed away. I knew it was coming, he was very ill and not responding to his diabetes treatment. My vet(s) and their wonderful staff did so much to help him and make him comfortable near the end. They also knew that Handsome would lapse into a coma at any time and didn't want us (Handsome and me) to deal with that over the weekend at home. I was able to hold him through the end and afterwards until I was ready to say goodbye and leave him. I didn't know it would be this hard. He was my friend, my first "kid" with Troy! We brought him home from the Juneau Humane Society on August 30, 1995. He was just seven weeks old and could lay in the palm of my hand. Troy loved him so much! He even "snapped" his tail...a special trick I've never seen anyone else do. I know that Handsome had a great life and that I have an abundance of incredible memories with and of him. I also know that Troy and Handsome are in their special place now - together.

I'll add pictures of Handsome later. Just too much for me now.

Lori

WISH

2008-07-07T10:46:00.000-07:00

As most of you know, Troy had written a novel titled WISH, which he completed in 2001. He worked to get it published and available to the public for many years. Iʼm thrilled to announce that Iʼve made that happen! Itʼs now available for purchase through http://www.lulu.com/ and the hardcover book is being assigned an ISBN so it can be bought through book sellers worldwide (this will happen in about a week). In the meantime, WISH can be purchased through the links below (or search at lulu) in either paperback or hardcover.

Hereʼs a synopsis Troy wrote:

Cole Caffy has dedicated his life as a talented engineer to building bridges that span rivers, which create safe passages. On the day of his retirement he wonders what kind of life heʼll lead without his days consumed by his passion for building bridges.

The answer comes in the form of a mysterious letter delivered sans postmark by a mischievous mailman. The letter informs Cole that because of his good deeds, and all that he has readily put aside so that others may discover fortune in their lives, he has been granted the ability to have his own wishes come true.

The unintended consequences of using his vibrant gift overwhelms Cole until a Dickens-like Clara Tout, another wish recipient, teaches Cole to understand the difference between wishing for what he wants and helping others obtain their own dreams.

Wish explores the chaos that underlies the power to acquire whatever we want, even when one with a generous heart is handed the reins of that very power.

Links:
Paperback http://www.lulu.com/content/2887791
Hardcover http://www.lulu.com/content/2903454

I love this story! I can't even tell you how many times I've read it and each time I become emotionally involved with the characters. For those of you close to Troy, I know you will hear his voice as you read the words. It's also nice to know many of the characters are named for people in Troy's life: Laura is the lead female, Jerry is a bartender, Brett is a friend's son, Jenny Massey is a neighbor, Sharon is a prior love-interest for Cole -- and there are others. I hope you are able to purchase a copy and read this fabulous book. Please feel free to pass along the information to anyone you think would enjoy a copy.

Love,

Lori

My Week

2008-06-17T20:29:00.000-07:00

I so badly want to blog about the past and include scanned pictures of Troy, especially when he was young and with his family and all his adorable pets. I need to just make the time...so stay tuned - it will show up here soon.

I have a nasty sinus cold. It's strange how in life we tend to take the little things for granted. Even this morning when my head was throbbing and the snot was running down my face, I still got up, let Sheriff out to potty, refilled the water dish for him and Handsome, got some Tylenol and juice and went back to bed. I sure missed Troy! He was always such a good husband and so thoughtful, especially when I didn't feel good. So friends, don't forget to thank your spouse and child/children for the little things they do to make your life easier!

I'm flying the nest. It's been 6 months and two states with sis and family. It's been a great ride, but the time has come for me to venture off on my own. I found an over-the-garage apartment through a friend and can take my boys. They only rent to people they know and it's quite affordable. I'm so looking forward to painting and moving and arranging. I need some time for me and also time with the kids to be a good aunt. I think I get a little overwhelmed and turn into a "mom" and not the "let's have fun auntie" that I want to be. Plus, Becky and David need there space back. Okay, I sound like I'm justifying when what I really want to say is that I'll have my own place and can hardly wait!!

For those who haven't heard, Mr. Handsome is diabetic. Poor baby! I just found out last week and am giving him insulin shots twice a day. He doesn't seem at all bothered by the shot, which really helps me (because I hate needles!). So far, so good. He's even showing signs of improvement. Just keep him in your thoughts...

Signing off for now. I'll be back soon.
Lori

Art

2008-06-04T18:20:00.000-07:00

I've spent the last few days going through some sketch books and journals of Troy's. As you can imagine, there have been a lot of emotions for me surrounding such a task! Troy was such an incredible artist and an imaginative writer. I wanted to share this picture he drew for me and I just scanned. You won't be able to see the detail, but hidden within the leaves of the tree are some amazing things - a little star man holding a Swiss flag, a purse, some insects, an Army guy and all kinds of neat little things. I'm sure they were symbolic for Troy, and most I know why, but some leave me wondering...

Enjoy the art, I'll add more soon.

Lori

Troy's Birthday

2008-05-22T23:51:00.000-07:00

I spent Troy's birthday, May 2nd, on the beach in Westport, Washington, with Sheriff. We had a nice day of quite reflection.

Tears

2008-05-22T23:44:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to share that I'm sitting here tonight looking at pictures of Troy. What a great man and a great life! I can't help but see blurred words as I write this through my tears. I think it's okay to be sad, that I'm greiving, and that I'm lonely. I hope he knows how much I love him -- always did and always will. I know many of you feel the same way.

I read this quote just today for the first time, and couldn't help but think of Troy:

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." -- Abraham Lincoln

Lori

Ireland

2008-04-28T10:56:00.000-07:00

Our dear friends, and previous neighbors in Rapid City, Mike and Holly, are on vacation in Ireland and then headed to a wedding in Bulgaria. I had asked if they would take some of Troy's ashes to Ireland to be spread as they saw fit. When we met in Rapid City two weeks ago I left them with a little bit of Troy so he could keep traveling!

Today I received these pictures. They scattered Troy's ashes yesterday at Crough Patrick in Ireland. It looks like a beautiful spot.

Thank you so much Mike and Holly!

I wish you continued safe travels.
Love,
Lori

2008-04-22T23:09:00.000-07:00

The Rubber Rainboot Fashionistas

Maryjo, Lori, Becky

Ocean Shores, Washington

April 2008

2008-04-22T23:05:00.000-07:00

Sharon at Old Orchard Beach, Maine

April 9, 2008

3366 Miles

2008-04-22T21:29:00.000-07:00

On Saturday, April 5th, Sharon, Troy's mom, flew to Portland, Oregon. She spent two days here in Aberdeen with me, Becky and the three kids. I picked her up, we went to the beach on Sunday and then toured town and headed off to Seatac airport on Monday afternoon. That evening, Sharon and I flew to Portland, Maine via Newark, New Jersey. We we thrilled to notice that Newark boarders New York and at 7am (after being up for over 24 hours!) we could see the New York City skyline and even make out the Empire State Building. Our plane flew over the harbor and I anxiously pointed out the Statue of Liberty below us. What fun!

We arrived on Tuesday to beautiful weather in Portland and drove a rental out to Brett and Patricia's house in Hollis. Troy and I first met Brett in Juneau and he was kind - and patient! - to teach us to sail there. We cultivated a deep friendship and saw Brett many times even after leaving Juneau. About two years ago, Brett married a beautiful woman (both inside and out), named Patricia, and they have settled in Maine. The afternoon we arrived there was filled with talking and sharing and a bit of sightseeing the area. On Wednesday "the girls" (Sharon, Patricia and myself) ventured out to Portland Head Lighthouse, the Atlantic Ocean and two other lighthouses in Maine. We were also able to visit Old Orchard Beach, where some of the last pictures of Troy were taken in Maine. Sharon and I both scattered Troy's ashes along the eastern sea. It was a wonderful day and I'm so glad we could share in these places together. On Thursday, Brett, Sharon and I drove to Cornish to the site of the accident. We placed an amazing stainless steel cross that Gary had made on a tree in the area. You can imagine that tears were shed as we nailed the cross to the tree and so lovingly remembered Troy - our husband, our son and our friend.

It was on this day that we also loaded our belongings into a Uhaul truck that Sharon and I would be driving west. We began our long trip together on Friday morning. My calculations showed it was approximately 1770 miles to Huron - which we anticipated on making in 4 days. When we phoned Gary that day he told of a spring blizzard in Huron - over 10 inches of snow, wind and even power outages. I wasn't worried. I told Sharon we would have good weather. We had so many people praying for our safe travels. Sharon's friend, Trish, even said that we would need dark glasses to keep the bright glow of the angels from distracting us along the way! Our first day we headed through Troy, NY and then Sharon Springs. What fun to find our family names along the route. We stayed east of Erie, PA, the first night and clocked just over 600 miles. It was odd to turn on the Weather Channel and see pictures of snow from Rapid City, SD! The second day was also fabulous weather, but we knew the storm was headed our way. We reassured our loved ones that we would stop when the snow came, we weren't in any hurry, we kept repeating. Saturday evening we came upon light snow flurries and stopped outside Chicago - after passing through Gary, IN! - again with just about 600 miles. Sunday morning we woke to blue skies and no snow and when we looked at the weather the storm had passed by us in the night without leaving a trace. I was getting disappointed about not finding a "Lori" for a town and just then we saw a sign for Christmas Valley - HA! the family names were complete!! We arrived in Huron in time for a delicious dinner Gary had cooked. We hadn't run into any weather problems and only had a small traffic delay in Chicago. We'd completed this leg of the trip in three days instead of four. It was so great to pass the miles and the hours talking with Sharon. I think our journey would have made an amazing reality show - we talked about everything! We laughed, we reminisced, we cried, and I truly believe we healed each other, even if just a little bit.

Monday was a day of much needed rest for me and for Harvey the Uhaul. We couldn't spend that much time in the truck without giving it a name. On Tuesday morning I drove a short day (about 300 miles) out to Rapid City. I stayed with Bob, Candice and their family and met up with friends that night. I counted 14 people who came out to visit with me, hear about the trip to Maine and get any other news. I had a wonderful time and hope everyone else enjoyed chatting, too. On Wednesday afternoon we drove to the Plateau in Hermosa where Troy's memorial service was held and ashes spread. Sharon and Gary had been up there approximately 10 days before and had told me the most amazing thing - that the roses were still red! I was so excited to go back and see the Plateau and surrounding area and also the beautiful red roses. I'll share a picture here for you to see for yourself. Truly unbelievable and just gorgeous!

Wednesday evening Maryjo joined me and Harvey for the rest of the trip west. We left after she was off work and drove to her sister's in Gillette. I told Maryjo we should call and let her know we had left a little later than we thought, but she didn't think it was necessary. Well, we should have, because Terri thought we were coming Thursday night and they were all in bed when we arrived! On Thursday we drove 620 miles to Haugen, MT, the home of Lincoln's 10,000 Silver Dollars. Oh, I almost forgot to mention that Maryjo brought Traveling Jerry - a small vial of her Dad's ashes with a sticker on the front of Jerry's face on a gnome's body. We wanted to make sure and take pictures of Jerry along the way. I'm sure the waitress thought we were a bit nuts when we placed Jerry on the bar for a photo shoot! Friday took us through Coeur d'Alene and Spokane and then into Aberdeen. We had a great trip and only encountered snow on Snoqualmie Pass just east of Seattle.

Maryjo was able to stay in Aberdeen with me until today, Tuesday the 22nd. We went out to the beach, explored Aberdeen and even went into Seattle before her flight left. I don't think she wants me to share this little story - but I can't resist! On Sunday morning we were getting ready to go to the beach and Maryjo couldn't find Dad. He wasn't in her purse, her pockets or her suitcase. I cringed to think we had left Traveling Jerry in the Uhaul, but didn't know where else he could have escaped to! So we drove to the Uhaul store and spotted our truck in the lot. I ran over and looked in the window and there he was - just inside the door handle pocket on the passenger's side. Thank goodness! I ran back to tell Maryjo and then return to the truck, hoping the door wasn't locked, and to my good-luck, it wasn't! I reached in, grabbed him and ran back and hopped in the van. Becky was convinced the police were going to be chasing us after they saw us on the security tapes :o) Thankfully we found him before he went on a whole new journey!

This trip was one that had been on my mind for a while. I didn't know quite what to expect or how I would feel going back to Maine. I am so thankful that Troy's mom, MY mom, Sharon, was able to go with me. We both needed the time together to share our joy and our sorrow. I know that this journey has made a lasting impact on our lives. I am also so happy that Maryjo could come back to Washington with me. She's always fun and we can't help but have hilarious adventures when we're together. I thank Sharon and Maryjo for sharing this incredible experience with me. I wouldn't have wanted to do it without them.

Love you both!

Lori

Tattoo

2008-03-31T22:03:00.000-07:00

I was in Rapid City in February for a week. I went to help some friends of mine who needed a little extra support. I hope you have all seen the movie "Pay It Forward" because this is what we should all do! It's definitely what I try to do.

While I was there I decided to finally get a tattoo! I have had a design planned for a few years and a couple Christmas' back, Troy even got me a tattoo as a gift, just told me I needed to decide what, where and when and he would take me and pay for it. Well, the time never seemed right and I couldn't decide. Just after Troy's death, our dear friend Bob got a memorial tattoo for Troy, it's a beautiful koi fish on his right shoulder. It was a tribute to their band "Pilot Fish." The artist is a friend of Bob and Candice's and I thought it only appropriate that since Troy was born in Rapid City, we met there and his ashes are in Hermosa that this was finally the right time and place to have my design come to life.

Below is a picture. The significance of the Compass Rose is that it is a directional symbol on a map or chart, Troy and I sailed and traveled numerous places, had many adventures and journeys...and mine continues. The West represents the Pacific, the East the Atlantic, the North for Alaska and the fleur de lis is the symbol on our wedding bands and I asked for the southern point to be elongated to resemble a standard cross. What else I love is that the "W" and "E" spell...WE. I also requested the colors green and blue because they are the colors of the Earth and the gold for the fleur de lis as a star.

I hope you think it's as beautiful as I do!

lco

PS: As you can see by the picture, it's on the center of my upper back (I left in the sexy bra straps so you can tell the size!).

2008-02-25T10:40:00.000-08:00

My photo website and new business cards!

Also, Etsy store: www.lconeill.etsy.com

2008-02-11T09:56:00.000-08:00

Lori and Courtney, February 2008

The "W" Word

2008-02-10T19:23:00.000-08:00

I have to tell you, I didn't consider myself a widow. It's hard to think about and even harder to say. However, I spent last week (February 4-9) trekking from Henderson, Nevada through Arizona and New Mexico visiting with relatives and friends and encountered numerous widows. I had no idea when I left here that the five days I had planned would be so incredibly emotional and healing.

First stop Aunt Jeri, my dad's sister, in Queen Creek, Arizona. She was widowed around her late 40's. Her husband passed away from cancer and left her and their 11 year old son behind. Jeri raises Arabian horses and continued to work their farm as a widow, as well she is an accomplished pianist who teaches lessons and plays every Sunday at church. She is now remarried, to Uncle Marty, a great guy! Jeri is an unbelievably focused and dedicated woman.

Tuesday I proceeded through Tucson to lunch with Brett's mom and dad, Jim and Sandy. They live in Vermont and winter in Arizona and I so enjoyed catching up with them since we weren't able to in Maine. We had a super (although too short!) visit and hope to catch up again soon.

This day also took me to my Great Aunt Harriet's in Portal, Arizona (just a few miles from the New Mexico border). Aunt Harriet and I have always had a connection - a bit earthy, easy-going, passion for travel. She has a beautiful rock house in Portal, a community of about 50 people. Her husband was a merchant marine and passed away about 35 years ago. Harriet was a school teacher and was due back from summer break just days after his death. She immersed herself in her work and never remarried or had children. She has an amazing presence, just so calm and all-knowing. I felt honored to spend two days with her and gain strength and understanding from her.

During my stay with Aunt Harriet I was also able to have dinner with Great Uncle Bob, his wife Marge and their daughter, Chris. Marge became a widow in her mid-20's and was left with two young children, and Chris (my dad's cousin) had lost her husband to cancer in her 40's. These strong, beautiful women looked into my eyes and offered comfort, knowing what only a widow knows about loss and loneliness.

Thursday morning I drove further east to Silver City, New Mexico in order to spend a day with friends of mine and Troy's from Oregon. They moved from the rain to the desert about 3 years ago. Sally and I worked together and Sean and Troy became good friends and golf buddies. Sally was previously married and lived in Fairbanks, Alaska. At the age of 33 Sally became a widow after Bruce passed away. I can't even begin to tell you how much the sharing of words and emotions with Sally touched my heart. We had experienced similar losses, that of our true love, and at very close ages. She gave me wisdom and comfort and I will never be able to thank Sally enough for that.

Friday brought me to the home of Craig and Ginny. They are the parents of Courtney, Troy's biological daughter, who was adopted into this wonderful family as an infant. We had an amazing talk and lots of great Mexican food for dinner! It was my first real time to talk with Ginny and Courtney since Troy's death, and my first meeting with Craig. It was strange that just the day before Sally had told me that this was my time to receive support, but that someday the tables would turn and I would be able to give that same gift. It was on this day that I felt my own power (physical, emotional and spiritual) and was able to offer up my love and support to Ginny and her family. We all go through traumas in life and the fact that our family and friends hold us up when we need it is truly an awe-inspiring event!

Saturday brought me back to Henderson. My week away was filled with knowledge and healing and time by myself to reflect on the previous two months. As I've said (and written) over and over, this is not a time to be sad, but a time to rejoice in the life we have been given and to truly LIVE each day. I am a widow, and I am grieving. However, I was a wife who was loved and cherished by a wonderful husband, Troy, a man I will never forget.

lco

Addendum

2008-02-02T22:09:00.000-08:00

Gary asked me to post the story below and also the picture of him and Troy in the Zodiac. I took the liberty of also including photos of Gary with some "local girls" in Ketchikan, Gary at the helm and also on the bow of the sailboat. If you can't see his ear-to-ear smile in each picture than you must be blind!

Troy and I so enjoyed Gary's visit with us that week - he is a very willing and eager crew member and we could hardly get him away from the helm. My other thrill that week was that Troy and Gary celebrated my 32rd birthday with me in one of my favorite places on earth: Taku Harbor. It was also that morning that we saw the Orca family swimming alongside our boat. Who could have asked for better gifts?

Gary, I hope that together we add more adventures to our lifes' stories. I would be delighted to travel anywhere with you and I know Troy would want it for us, too.

Love always,
Your daughter,
Lori

Gary's Alaska Adventure

2008-02-02T19:01:00.000-08:00

1/1/2008

Thank you Troy, for letting me experience and see things that few people will ever experience in their whole lives, especially a South Dakota boy. I sailed the Inside Passage with Troy and Lori. They were on their way from Seattle to Juneau, Alaska and I caught the sailboat in Ketchikan. I had no idea what was ahead of me, but I knew that Troy and Lori knew what they were doing and I was crew outfitted with white soled deck shoes and my Filson gear. I read the sailing book before I left, oh yes, and the book of knots and it gave me enough information to let me know that I was out of my league. I did know that I loved the water and boats and I needed to follow directions to be any help.

Ketchikan
Lori came over with the boat Taxi to pick me up at the airport, that was my first hint that I was in another world, and I loved it. Entering the marina greeted me with Eagles perched on the buoy entrance, and BOATS, what a kick, he dropped us off right at our slip. Troy was already checking the weather and double checking the minute of the tides. Handsome (the cat) was napping in his favorite bunk.

The weather was not cooperating, the next days winds were not going to be pleasant so we waited a day. I got to see Creek Street where in the old days you found bootleg whiskey and ladies of the night, now they sell fine jewelry to the tourists that come through on the huge cruise ships, 14 story ships, being on the dock next to them it was hard to believe they could float. When we got back from the tour of the town Troy had to take me for a ride in the Zodiac, this was a small inflatable pulled along for safety reasons, that was the story Troy kept telling me as we took the white knuckle ride across the bay and back, at full throttle. He was giggling the whole time.

Day 1
We pulled out of the marina and headed North, we just got out and away, beside us is a seaplane taking off, no mufflers and lots of horsepower. What a sendoff!!

Our first day was 90 some miles, we saw hump back whales in the first 20 miles and after we were away from the dock and a nice distance from land Troy gave me the wheel, he knew it was safe, we were 30 minutes from hitting land. I had a couple hours at the wheel then Troy came and sent me up to sit propped up against the mast, I had a beautiful and relaxing view. I had only been there a few minutes when an eagle came down 30 yards in front of the boat to pick a salmon out of the water and fly away, what an amazing adventure. We passed an island that was filled with sea lion, as we went by they were barking to us to say hello, you see it on TV but to see it in person takes your breath away.

Troy got us through some narrows that felt a little tight to me but with the electronics Troy said it was easy, main problem was the water flow was against us so it was slow going for about a mile then it opened up again and we picked up some speed. The day came to an end with a beautiful sundown that spread out forever being on the water having little or no land to confine it. Troy had a spot picked out to anchor for the night but it was already dark about an hour before we got there, it was that black dark, no moon for light. Troy and Lori were confident with the graphs and I had seen enough of what they were doing and how accurate they were to understand why, but I could not handle the pressure, I had to go up front to check it out, thank goodness I did there was a boat out in the middle of no where anchored for the night (no night lights) we were 100 yards away but it seemed closer when you don’t think anyone is there. Lori’s fine meal and a couple of cold beers ended a wonderful day of water and sun. Falling asleep on the boat with a light breeze and the gentle rocking of the boat is just about as peaceful as you will ever find.

Day 2
I forgot to tell you that being crew means you get to pull up the anchor, it was probably the most useful thing I did, I was glad to be of some help. We were about 30 miles from Brett’s cabin, it was very narrow and I really appreciated the great electronics Troy had installed, it showed the buoys and the depth of the water, and exactly where the boat was positioned in the channel. The amazing thing to me was that the cruise ships go thru that same channel. We got to the cabin, pulled off to the side of the channel and dropped anchor. The cabin was nestled back in the woods on the side of the mountain, directly across the water was a magnificent mountain with snow on the peaks. Brett came out to get us in the skiff, after a couple hours of greetings and checking out our surroundings we went to work moving in a new outhouse. Brett was creating a place that was self efficient and had a porch with a view that just didn’t quit. Late in the afternoon Troy, Brett and I and a dog (I can’t remember his name) went to check the crab pots, what a catch and what a meal fresh crab and Lori made a big pot of chili. We did not accomplish much after that meal. Brett started a fire in the cabin so we could sit around and tell stories until we could not stay awake any longer then we made our way back to the boat.

Day 3
It was 12 miles to Petersburg, we pulled into the marina to fuel up and get supplies to get us to Juneau. I jumped onto the dock and started tying up to the huge cleats, I had the boat secured and Lori and I ran up to get supplies, when we got back I noticed that both of the ropes were retied, needless to say they were perfect and both were exactly alike. The notes were perfect and everything on the boat was immaculate all the time. Troy and Lori kept the boat spotless and it showed comparing theirs to the rest of the marina. Troy checked the radio to see what we had coming while I fueled up. The wind was going to pick up so we found a bay on the map to get to by the end of the day. The wind was at our back and there was a light rain all day long. I had all the gear Troy told me I would need and I was steering the boat, it does not get any better that this, if I had to work in these conditions I would be whining big time, we no more than got anchored and strapped down in the bay when the wind hit 60 miles per hour. It was bad enough the Coast Guard pulled in to hide out for the night. I was very thankful for that bay.

Day 4
The storm had given up for the most part. Troy was checking the radio finding out what the day could bring. The start was going to be a little choppy but it should get better as the day progressed. We decided to go for it, the wind only blew for about an hour and then it was as calm as glass. We found ourselves being escorted by 24-30 porpoise. They would get as close to the boat as possible and cross just in front of the boat jumping over each other. They followed and played with us for 10-12 miles. Lori got some pictures and short clips, what a sight. A few miles later we spotted a family of orca, the mom and dad were huge and the kid was jumping out of the water as if he were playing games.

Troy had a large bay scoped out with a dock used by the forest service. It was a nice place to
camp. The three of us got into the zodiac for a ride way back into the bay, there were eagle everywhere, trees would have 8-10 birds in each tree. What an amazing animal.

Day 5
The further we got north the larger and grander the mountains grew, we came to our first glacier, it was incredible how much the temperature changed as we went past the inlet, the water was so clear and there was a line in the water of the tide coming in and the glacier water running out. I saw my first floating iceberg, it was a small chunk but I didn’t really want to find any large ones. I was glad Troy had the Kevlar hull, I really didn’t want to try it out. Our last night out was a bay that use to be an old salmon cannery where the boats could pull right up and dump their catch of the day, there was very little left other than the large wheels for the belt drive. Troy spent a couple hours cleaning and organizing the boat while Lori and I took a hike around the area. Troy had to warn me about the bear, I was looking over my shoulder quite frequently, I didn’t want to be lunch.

Day 6
This was the last leg into Juneau, it was a beautiful warm sunshine day, we met a cruise ship heading to the glacier we had passed. The peace and calm of being on the boat is something I will cherish forever. Pulling into town was a kick, it is one thing to fly into town but pulling up to the marina at the end of a fabulous journey gave you a thrill yet it was sad for it to be coming to an end. I had a little time before my flight so we got to see some old friends and have some lunch.

This was the first time I noticed that the world was still rocking, it took me four days before it stopped swaying.

Thank you Troy and Lori for memories that will last forever and giving me an experience that few people could only imagine.
With Love, Gary

Random Acts of Kindness

2008-01-29T12:27:00.000-08:00

I'm stepping back here a little bit...as I had wanted to thank the beautiful people of Cornish, Maine who came to my aid at the time of the accident and in the days that followed.

We had our dog, Sheriff, with us in the car and when Amanda came to be by my side until the paramedics arrived she had asked if anyone else was in the car - other than myself and Troy. I told her our dog. She called for her son, Jesse, I believe, to get the dog. This nice boy went and picked up Sheriff, who was near the car and unhurt, and came over to me and knelt down to let me know Sheriff was okay. He was shivering and Jesse told me he would take Sheriff to the house to keep him warm. Later that evening a nurse delivered me a message that Amanda and her family would watch Sheriff until I could get him, not to worry that he was fine, and left phone numbers for me to call them. The next day I did make a call to their home and Amanda was so reassuring that they had no problem watching Sheriff. I couldn't believe how kind and generous Amanda and her family were! They didn't know me, they had just put my needs ahead of theirs.

On Monday, I also called Joe at the funeral home to see what I needed to do for Troy and give him information. I mentioned to Joe that there had been photo equipment in the car and also that I had a cat at the farmhouse. He told me he knew the tow-truck operator who had taken our vehicle and would make arrangements to get the important items out of the car and hang onto them until I returned. He also volunteered to go to the house to check on Handsome. Again, this was someone whom I had never met and who took time from his busy schedule to help me.

The nurses and other staff at Maine Medical Center went above and beyond the call of duty to make me comfortable, offered words of strength and understanding and also allowed me to make and receive calls at all hours of the day and night. My nurse the first night in the hospital, Ruthie, shared with me a story of personal loss and told me that she would be thinking of me every day for the next whole month. On Monday my room was a revolving door of counselors, mental health professionals, nursing staff and social workers. They wanted to do all they could for me - physically, emotionally and mentally - it was truly amazing to feel such an outpouring of support. Even the switchboard operator, Kimberly, brought me a lovely vase of flowers, as she had heard my story from numerous friends and family from across the country, but felt so bad that I didn't have someone there in Maine to be by my side. After the doctor visited with me on Monday afternoon and explained more about my injuries, that they needed time to heal, but that I didn't have to remain in the hospital, he also told me he knew of my situation of losing my husband in the accident and that my family and friends were out of state (but some on the way to be with me). He said to me that if I needed to stay in the hospital for a week until I was comfortable leaving, that there was a bed for me and not to worry. Can you imagine? A doctor and hospital who treated me in a holistic manner...not just my body, but my heart, mind and soul, as well??

These were difficult days, but without the help and support of these amazing people they would have been much harder to get through.

Thank You!
With deepest gratitude,
Lori

1998-2001

2008-01-14T08:46:00.000-08:00

After we moved from Juneau we rented in Silverdale, Washington and then in Astoria, Oregon. During the time in Washington we owned two more sailboats (both great deals that we fixed up and resold). We went out whenever we could, mostly weekends, and sailed near home and Puget Sound. We made our first "big" summer trip (2 weeks) to the San Juan Islands. This is one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen! Friday Harbor is a quaint town and the entire island chain is so picturesque.

These years were a little less adventurous for us, as Troy was experiencing more back pain and ended up having surgery (lumbar discectomy) in November 2000. I also was under the weather with a non-functioning gallbladder and had that removed in July 2001. Luckily, we both recovered quite well from our surgeries.

On May 26, 2001 we did manage to climb Mt. St. Helens (coincidentally my 29th birthday). This was something we weren't at all trained for, but you know how Troy was, he had that "let's get the gear and go do it!" attitude. We drove the day before, put up the tent and camped with the rest of the climbers. We heard that the right way to do it was to get up and on the trail by 4am -- I think we were up around 7am! It took us 5 hours to climb up and the last few hundred yards were straight up, but when we got to the top and looked down and around it was so worth it. From the summit you can see into Spirit Lake, which is still filled with downed trees from the eruption in 1980. Going down the mountain only took 2 hours as we took the advice of others and "glisaded" down. If you don't know of this technique, you sit your butt down on the snow and GO!! The trails were already in place and let me tell you, it was fun!! Troy and I joked later that we wanted to be taken by helicopter to the top just so we could go down again.

lco

From the Schumachers

2008-01-12T18:47:00.000-08:00

We would like to share a memory we hold dear to our hearts of Troy when he was a young boy. When we moved to Rapid City from Hill City, our daughter, Karri, started third grade at Annie Tallent. She had a rocky start because of some bullying from a group of boys. One day on the playground, this group of boys took Karri's lunchbox from her and began kicking it around. Another boy stepped up to her defense and told them to leave her alone and when they asked him "why and what's it to you," he answered them by saying she was his sister. Because this boy was apparently well liked and also an upper classman (maybe a 5th grader), they backed off. For days afterwards, this boy would watch over her on the playground or walk her to class to make sure she was not bothered. Karri had no idea who he was, but when she told us his name was Troy O'Neill, we certainly knew who he was and were very thankful. The world is so small at times!

We are sure Troy was a wonderful son as he certainly was a wonderful young man. We know you will miss him terribly, and we will pray that your precious memories of him will give you comfort and peace until you meet again.

Gary & Shirley Schumacher

(from a letter sent to Gary & Sharon Tschetter, printed here with permission)

Stories & Comments

2008-01-12T09:21:00.000-08:00

Don't forget that you can add your stories and/or comments to the blog at anytime! I've opened up the blog to members and non-members alike - either way is easy and it's quick and free to become a member, too.

If posting isn't working, just email me your story: twolcfo@yahoo.com or you can send me a note: 2210 Tedesca Drive, Henderson, NV 89052, and ask that it be posted on the blog.

Thanks again for all your comments and support.

I'll write more soon!

Love, Lori

North to Alaska!

2008-01-05T20:41:00.000-08:00

When Troy and I returned from Europe in 1994 we spent a few months in Arizona near my father, Rick. I think we didn't want to head back to RC and "settle down" and the trip overseas had just wet our appetite for adventure! While in Scottsdale we watched episode after episode of Northern Exposure and just loved that show (still do). We knew it wasn't filmed in Alaska -- Washington state, actually -- but if the people were anything like they portrayed them on TV we just had to go and see for ourselves.

We packed our little car with everything that would fit and our dog, Hogan (a boxer puppy) and started driving. Troy used to say that we drove the speed limit of the heat that day, which was 114, and honestly, I think it was pretty close. We spent a day or two in Portland with my parents and then drove up to Vancouver, BC. It was here that our car engine caught fire. I remember Troy was driving and I had one hand on the dog and the other on the door handle! We finally made it to the edge of town, with smoke billowing out from under the hood, and parked for the night in a church lot. We figured we'd be pretty safe there and hopefully no police would come and kick us out. The next morning we found a garage that would take cash for our new engine - and offer no receipt! - and so we left the car there and walked to a nearby motel. The funny thing (or not so funny at the time), was that we had less than $2000 for the rest of our trip and to get a place to live when we arrived. I nervously called my parents and asked for a loan of $800 to cover the engine cost. I think they were nervous as well - they really didn't know Troy and here we were, two young lovers, unmarried, with next to nothing and no money, driving to Alaska. Regardless, they did wire the money and a few days later we were off and running...again.

When we arrived in Skagway we had to get on the ferry to Juneau. We pulled up to the ferry parking line and discovered we had about five hours before boarding. It had been an awful long few days and we headed on foot to the Red Onion - a famous Skagway bar. By the time we had to get back to the car to load it on the ferry we were pretty blitzed! I remember once we got aboard the ferry it was around 10:00 pm and before we left the harbor the captain announced that the northern lights were viewable from the front deck. I'm not sure if it was the excitement of being in Alaska or the alcohol, but those were the most beautiful Aurora Borealis colors we had ever seen!!

In Juneau we lived in a tent for 6 weeks then rented an RV for another month. On December 1st we finally moved into a small apartment on Douglas Island (just west of Juneau a few miles, accessible by bridge). That Christmas we were too poor for a tree and all the trimmings, but I remember Troy brought home a poinsettia from the store about a week before the holiday and we used that instead of a tree. We also bought a sofa as our gift to and from each other. That was a very memorable Christmas and one I won't forget.

Juneau was fabulous! We met lots of great people and established life-long friendships. Some are still in Juneau, others have moved to the Lower 48. We also began our sailboat adventures in Juneau...first with a small 19 foot boat (that we didn't live on) and then with a 30 foot live-aboard sailboat. We spent our summer weekends traveling to nearby harbors with friends and the yacht club (even though I don't think we ever became official members!). We learned the hard way what the wind could and couldn't do. Troy was famous in Juneau for getting a speeding ticket in the harbor on his little inflatable dingy -- which had an engine twice the HP that was recommended -- naturally!

Troy and I were married in a double ceremony with Sharon and Gary (Troy's mom and stepdad) at the Shrine of St. Therese on March 25, 1995. It was a beautiful spring day with lots of snow that had fallen just the night before.

We adopted our second 4-legged kid, Handsome, the cat, in August 1995. He's been a great companion and trooper - living aboard, traveling by boat, car and plane numerous times and (so far) he's lived in about a dozen different towns. (We had given Hogan to some people we met in Juneau before moving onto the sailboat.)

We left Juneau in September 1997, but still had the passion for sailing and it didn't stop there.

I'll always have a special fondness for Juneau as that's the place where Troy and I started our married life together. I hope to visit there again someday soon..

lco

Europe - Early Summer 1994

2007-12-21T17:32:00.000-08:00

Troy and I moved in to an apartment together on Halloween Day 1993. We spent the end of that winter planning a backpacking trip through Europe. We stayed with Troy's grandparents for the month of April to save rent money and sold my Ford Escort and some of Troy's musical gear as we needed to fund a 5 1/2 week trip. We had a fabulous time! We arrived in Amsterdam and had our eyes opened to the Red Light District (we didn't partake, but walking the area was definitely interesting!). We then traveled by train to Paris, Austria, Switzerland, Germany and back down to the south of France. I fell in love with Menton, right on the eastern edge of the Cote d'Azur. It was also here where we had some of our money stolen from our little tent one afternoon. You can tell we were real planners as we didn't have return tickets and had only purchased one way! We ended up calling my father, Rick, and he purchased our flight home for us (before 9/11 you could do these things). We stayed a total of 37 days - all but two of those nights in a tent. It rained for 5 straight days in Germany and our closest acquaintance was a huge snail we named Jake. We met an incredible man, "Bomber," in Germany as well. He had participated in the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain, 7 straight years. What an amazing life that man had, a true inspiration -- and he was a celebrity look-alike to Sam Elliott! We also celebrated both Troy's birthday (May 2nd) and mine (May 26th) while traveling.

I think that's when we got struck with the Travel Bug. We ended up going back to Europe two more times and had many driving and sailing adventures, too. Those stories to come...

lco

Camping - summer 1993

2007-12-20T21:28:00.000-08:00

I think our first adventure was camping at Lake Angostura. We made Troy's friend Bob come along and a girl I worked with - Roxanne. We kept trying to play matchmaker for Bob and I think he was at the end of his rope with our Cupid's arrow! Roxanne was fun and had a "great personality" - but, well, let's just stay Bob was a skinny little twig and Roxanne had the opposite body shape. I can't remember what vehicle we drove, probably Bob's crumby Bronco. We had two tents, one for the girls and one for the boys. I know we brought hot dogs and beer, but can't remember what else for the weekend. It was a nice warm weekend and before long we had all cooled down by quenching our thirsts. Before I knew it Troy and Bob were feeling pretty good and decided to climb trees. I can still picture looking up and seeing Troy WAY up at the top...he looked like a monkey! That evening we had a fire to cook our hot dogs and I recall laughing so hard at Bob that my sides hurt. He was pretty inebriated and kept losing his dogs in the fire, however, he just reached right in and grabbed them. We were all young, poor people and weren't about to let a little charcoal and fire ruin our dinner!

I had a great weekend, but there never was romance between Bob and Roxanne. Honestly, she was very revolted by the guys. I will never forget when we woke up in the morning and Bob was covered in black soot from all those charred hot dogs! Troy and I laughed about that camping trip for years...thanks for the great memories Bob. Love ya!

lco

PS: Later that year we introduced Bob to my friend (and co-worker at the time) Candice. It was love at first sight and later they both said that as soon as they met they knew that the was person they were going to marry. Now Bob and Candice have been married for almost 13 years and have three smart, beautiful children. See earlier post for pictures and story. l

Christmas? Are you sure?

2007-12-19T09:13:00.001-08:00

Troy and I actually first met at a dance club in Rapid City in June 1993. I was just off a bad dating experience and Troy had just split with a woman who definitely had some relationship issues, too. That night we danced and talked and drank. I was concerned about telling him my last name (as I'd had to already change my phone number 2x from the previous boyfriend calling me at all hours), but did tell him my first name and that I worked at Spiegel. We had a great first meeting...not a date, as we had met at the club and it wasn't pre-arranged. He even walked me to my car that evening and gave me a sweet kiss...on the lips...but a quick one!

It was a few weeks later and the phone rang at the admin office of my job. I usually answered this line and the somewhat timid voice on the other end asked, "Is this Lori Christmas?" I said it was. Troy explained that we had met recently and he wanted to ask me on a date. Of course, I was quite flattered that this handsome, fun young man had tracked me down and gave him my home number so we could talk more.

What I didn't find out until later was that Troy had paid a friend of his $50 to get my last name. This friend's girlfriend's sister -- or some such relation -- worked at Spiegel, too. When the friend came back with the name Christmas Troy definitely thought he had been taken! Can you blame him??? But the friend was adamant and he did call. I'm so glad that he did :o)

lco

When I Get Where I'm Going

2007-12-16T15:33:00.000-08:00

On Sunday, December 9th, we had a nice brunch with friends and family, and afterward our friends and neighbors, the Lemay's, who had played at Troy's service, went to the hospital to play for Maryjo's dad. He loved Celtic music and they thought he may be responsive, as he had not in the few days prior. The family was right! Upon hearing that beautiful music Jerry opened his eyes, talked with us (his wife, children, grandchildren and myself). He even said he "loved" the music and wanted to go home to "get his flute." Everyone in that room, and even in that area of the hospital, received such a warm feeling from Mike, Holly and Ben's music.

Later in the day, Becky, Maryjo and I went to get a little R&R at the Alternative Health Care Center - where Maryjo works and I used to work. I'll admit, we did take our box of wine and some glasses and sat in the massage chairs and did foot baths. We were having an amazing conversation when suddenly Maryjo sunk to the floor and said she had to go talk to her dad, Jerry, who had been in the hospital a week. I knew and loved Maryjo's parents and had spent a lot of time with them. Also, they had the same wedding anniversary as Troy and I and I'd always felt a kinship with them.

Maryjo was adamant about me not going up there with her, she said I had been through enough. However, I wanted to be with her as she told her dad goodbye, I felt I needed to go. When we arrived in his room I knelt by his side, took his hand in mine and placed my other on his cheek. I told him it was okay to go, that his family would take care of each other, that he was hurting and we didn't want him to. Maryjo was right beside me, with one hand on her dad and one hand on me. The words just kept coming from me, it was like I was able to tell Jerry all the things that I wasn't able to tell Troy at the end, because he left so quickly. As I spoke there wasn't much response, but when I told Jerry that Troy would be with him in Heaven a huge smile came across his face. At that very moment we knew he understood, that it was going to be alright. I moved to the other side of the bed so Maryjo could tell her dad how she loved him and how she would take care of her mom and that it was okay for him to let go. Suddenly I began to sing Amazing Grace, just the first verse as that's all I knew, but the sound that came from me was beautiful, I told Maryjo afterward that I felt like I had channeled an Angel, because I can't sing! She had joined in and as our voices grew strong so did our hearts.

Jerry passed away the following day, just hours before Becky and I flew from Rapid City. I was able to stop at the hospital earlier that day, to hug all the amazingly strong and beautiful women in Jerry's life - his wife, his daughters and his granddaughter. I thank Jerry for giving me my wonderful friend, Maryjo, as I know he taught her to be kind, thoughtful and loving. She has been a pillar for me, as I have been for her. We may question in life why things happen and the strange timing of our loved ones' passing seemed almost cruel at first. I now feel that we were meant to be there to comfort each other and perhaps for Troy and Jerry to stand together, too.

I recorded the song "When I Get Where I'm Going" to disc while in Maine to play before Troy's service, along with a few other songs that were fitting to the occasion or were favorites of Troy's. I passed the disc to Maryjo to take to the hospital and this song played as Jerry took his last breath. It was also played at Jerry's service. Coincidentally, another dear friend, Nicky, bought Sharon and I copies of the CD and accompanying book. It's a beautiful song and truly fitting...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6Zfx5qra_g

lco

Tears in Heaven

2007-12-16T15:29:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRsJlAJvOSM

Tears in Heaven, Eric Clapton
Sent to me by Patricia Marquis, Hollis, Maine

2007-12-16T15:09:00.000-08:00

Troy & Lori, Glacier Bay Alaska, June 2004

Troy's Memorial Service

2007-12-16T12:56:00.000-08:00

Saturday, December 8th.

It had snowed the night before and early that morning, but it was the beautiful, fluffy kind of snow that makes a nice, clean blanket over the earth. We arrived around 1pm and set up a photo board Gary and Sharon had put together. Becky had printed 5 pictures of Troy and had them mounted for the service - the black and white portrait of Troy, on the sailboat, fly-fishing, in Paris at the Eiffel Tower and on the beach in Maine. They were all wonderful examples of Troy's adventurous life...and the portrait was very intense. The church in Hermosa was perfect for the service, a nice white country church where Troy had gone with his grandparents over the years, and it was filled with flowers. Our friends and neighbors, Mike, Holly and Ben Lemay, played gorgeous Celtic music before the service. I still don't know how many people attended the memorial, I heard over a hundred and I know we had printed 75 handouts and only had 2 left. Some ladies from the church sang Hero and Wind Beneath My Wings. Reverend Behringer led a nice service with appropriate scriptures. He also read a letter that Jerry Herber had written and encouraged others to speak. Jim Massey and Bob Meis came forward to share memories of Troy and funny stories. Bob even wore the rubber boots that were Troys - just as he promised me he would. Mike and Holly Lemay spoke about Troy's love for animals and some sailing adventures.

After the service we caravaned in 4-wheel drive vehicles to the South Plateau to spread Troy's ashes; just as he had requested we do. The current land owner had plowed a path and we arrived just at sunset. I think some of our group didn't believe we could get up that hill...but Gary was going to perservere. We were in the second vehicle, following Garry and Marsha, who had stopped at the bottom. Our "gang" yelled and encouraged Gary to give it all that Suburban had and we made it a little ways, just to start sliding back down the hill when he let off the gas! I told him I thought if I had been behind the wheel we may have even made it...HA! So Gary stepped out, grabbed my arm, I had Troy's ashes in the other, and he helped/dragged me up that snowy, slippery slope. It was truly exhilarating. At the top I walked around a moment and Gary hollered at me to come back to the edge to see Troy's loved ones. He later described it as a scene from a movie, and I don't know how I can describe it to you now. But what we witnessed was miraculous - people were pushing, pulling and dragging each other to the top. Each one forging to the top with the help of those around them. It brings a warmth to my heart at this very moment just remembering that amazing sight.

Once everyone arrived at our destination Terry placed flowers in the middle of the circle and we all stood and held hands. Candice said a beautiful prayer and I asked for those who wanted ashes to come forward. After those people went back to their places in the circle I realized we still had plenty of Troy's ashes to go around. I walked the inside of the circle and placed ashes in the hand of every person on the plateau. I felt such joy and strength in sharing with his family and friends. I spoke briefly about my love for Troy and his love for each of those in attendance. I honestly can't remember what I said, but looking at that circle and those faces, I don't think it really mattered, we were all on the same page. Then we raised our hands and threw Troy's ashes into the circle. We also tossed in the red roses that had been brought to the service. My sister described the ashes on the snow as having a "starburst" effect and I remember the sparkling in the late evening light. There was also a red hue in the sky during the plateau service and a mysterious calm that isn't usually felt in South Dakota in winter.

The intensity of those moments were broken by humor as we descended that hill. I know those of you who attended can still hear the laughter! For those of you not there, you should have seen us! Some running...and not being able to stop easily at the bottom. Some scooted on their butts and we ALL slipped and slided to the vehicles parked below. I'm sure Troy was up there laughing at us, too.

It was truly an incredible day. The snow, the family, the friends, the music, the sunset, the tears and the laughter. It was just as Troy had wanted.

lco

2007-12-15T20:33:00.000-08:00

Troy's photograph of Lori, Summer 2007

Fly United

2007-12-15T19:28:00.001-08:00

On Thursday morning, December 6th, Bob, Candice, Lillie, myself, Handsome, Sheriff and our combined 6 checked bags, 3 carry-ons and one stroller arrived at the Portland Jetport. However, we showed up 30 minutes prior to departure and there was no one at the terminal to check us in. You can imagine the stress we conveyed in NEEDING to get on that plane! Also, Lillie was running a fever, I had Troy's ashes in hand and Bob hates to fly. When a customer service rep finally came to ticketing there was no way we were getting on our original flight. After hearing our story, true and shocking as it was, she re-arranged our flights so we could still get to Rapid City that day.

We left Portland 2 hours later en route to Chicago, however, just before boarding that flight we noticed we were not on the same flight from Chicago to Denver (which the lovely rep had booked for us in first class, but not together on the same flight!). The problem with that is if we didn't catch the early flight, the one I was ticketed for, there was no way we'd catch our standby flight with a 20 minute connection in Denver and I really wasn't supposed to be traveling alone due to my injuries. They couldn't change anything in Portland but told us to head straight to our gate in Chicago and get Bob, Candice and Lillie on standby for my flight. So off we went.

Upon arrival in Chicago we did as we were told but had to wait until 10 minutes prior to flight departure to know if they would be on the flight. Luckily, they were the first one's called to the podium and we all practically ran down the ramp. I still had my first class ticket but B,C&L were in coach. Just as I settled down in my rather luxurious seat, a man in a suit approached me and stated he was from customer relations. My mind was racing - does he know my situation or not? After a minute of his introduction I realized he did not and when he wanted to ask me a few questions because I had "paid good money for this flight," I reached up and grabbed his arm and began to cry. I told him I had not paid for the first class ticket but had been upgraded because my husband had just passed away and that I was traveling with his ashes to a memorial service. This man knelt by my side with both my hands in his and stared into my eyes as I told him the story of the accident and the tears ran down my cheeks. After I spoke of my friends in coach, our 20 minute connection in Denver, and our stress of trying to get Troy home, this kind and gentle man sat quietly for a moment. Then he said that he didn't know what to say to me. After another short pause he said, "God will take care of you, and I will take care of you." He asked for the Denver to Rapid flight information and told me he would get me and my friends on that flight. He then left the plane. I felt like he was my guardian angel.

During the course of that flight the attendants came by to pat my shoulder, gave me hugs, one even brought a poem about losing a loved one. I couldn't believe the outpouring of support and compassion from people I didn't even know. Candice was even allowed to come up and check on me during the flight. When the plane touched down in Denver the flight attendant gave her usual talk about seatbelts, luggage, etc, but she also asked that everyone remain in their seats because a family had an emergency and a short connection. I was only two seats back but was worried about B,C&L. As I stood up the attendants hugged me and wished me well. I could see a suited woman standing on the ramp with a notepad and when the door opened she said she was there for Mrs. O'Neill and her party. I gasped and told her I needed my friends, however, they were right behind me! We were rushed up to a waiting inter-airport taxi/shuttle and told the plane was being held for us and that they had our boarding passes at the gate. We were all in tears! We even found out that the online flight information showed the plane was delayed due to Customer Service.

Needless to say, we arrived in Rapid City only 10 minutes later than our original scheduled itinerary had we left Portland on time that morning. I was shocked that the man in Chicago was able to call ahead and actually hold the plane for us. The whole day was miraculous. We felt a definite "divine intervention" and I know Troy had his hand in getting us to his home safely.

I plan to write a letter to United Airlines. Their customer service and genuine showing of care and compassion meant the world to me. I hope if you have a choice in the future you will fly United.

lco

Bob & My Soul Sista

2007-12-14T15:42:00.000-08:00

When Bob and Candice (aka My Soul Sista) came to the hospital in Portland, Maine, I was thrilled to have them at my side. They both came as emotional support, however, Bob is a professional mover and was going to pack up the farmhouse and Candice is a wonderfully supportive and positive friend - we've been best of friends for 17 years. And, they brought their 15 month old daughter, Lillie, as a lovely distraction. Of course, if you know me at all, you also know that I'm not good at being taken care of, so I think I caused them both a bit of grief. I had already informed my doctor and nurses that my "support group" had arrived and I needed to be discharged immediately. That was Tuesday morning, December 4th. We drove out to the house (about 30 miles to the west) and Bob surveyed the situation and started getting boxes from the barn and the convenience store nearby. Candice and I read and sent emails and began sorting in piles: pack for storage, send to Henderson, take to Rapid City and donate before leaving Cornish.

I knew we were emotionally drained when Candice had called to order pizza and began crying on the phone. That night and the next day were mostly a blur - we were getting on the plane at 9:00am on Thursday morning and had a LOT to do! Luckily, my big sister and Organizer Extraordinaire, Becky, had emailed us a list of things to get done. We would still be walking in circles without that darn list.

On Wednesday evening we had been delivered Troy's ashes. We decided to take him to dinner with us, just across the street. Even our waitress had heard of the accident and before we left had given me her name and phone number in case I needed anything while away or to call her upon my return. I was amazed that people who didn't even know me reached out to do what they could. Joe, the funeral home director in Cornish, had our house keys brought to him by the tow truck driver so he could go check on Handsome and make sure he was warm and had food. We had Sheriff in the car with us and the homeowners near the crash took him in and told me they would keep him until I returned. They even phoned me at the hospital to say they adored him and not to worry. Our landlord called as well to ask if there was absolutely anything he could do. Even the postmistress offered her support and sympathy upon recognizing my name.

Obviously, I don't know my long term plans but I know I will return to Cornish to gather my belongings and meet with the people there who touched my heart in those first few very difficult days. I may even stay in Maine...the people there were amazing and I felt so at home.

A special thank you to Bob and Candice, their children Mackenzie and Kale (who sent a care package and get well notes), baby Lillie, Dave and Dixie (Candice's parents who watched the older kids and whom I consider extra parents of my own). Without their love and kindness I don't know what I would have done. I love you all.

lco

2007-12-13T20:48:00.000-08:00

Troy and Sheriff, Old Orchard Beach, Maine. November 30, 2007.

Maine

2007-12-13T20:10:00.000-08:00

We arrived in Maine on November 12th, just days after selling our home in Rapid City, South Dakota. The drive was wonderful (even with the cat and dog!) and we saw parts of the US that we hadn't seen before. If you haven't driven east on I90 I would definitely recommend it - Wisconsin out to Maine is so beautiful. Troy had mentioned it was very "Norman Rockwell" and about 100 miles later we saw a sign for the Norman Rockwell Museum. No coincidence there!

We stayed a few days in Biddeford where we had an apartment on hold. However, after driving in the country one day we decided a home outside of town was more suitable for us. So, we bought a paper in York County and looked at a few places. As soon as we saw a farmhouse for rent in Cornish we knew it was the one! We told the landlord we'd take it just from seeing the outside. It was built in the late 1700's and all the floors sloped toward the middle. Handsome (our 12 year old cat) and Sheriff (2 year old toy fox terrier) seemed pleased with the old world feel and the attached barn. On November 16th we unloaded our little 5x8 uhaul trailer and began to unpack the few possessions we had brought with. After sailing and living on a boat, the collection of "things" just isn't that important and we knew we could purchase what we needed.

We spent the next two weeks exploring the area - close to Cornish, west to New Hampshire and east to the ocean. We began to put a few more things in the farmhouse and took some pictures of the area.

On Sunday, December 2nd, we were returning home from one such outing to Falmouth and were only a few miles from home. Troy was driving our suv when he lost control and the car left the road. We struck an electric pole (the power went out for about a minute) and came to rest against a tree and telephone pole (which cracked). I recall the impact and the vehicle stopping. When I looked to my left what I saw was a dark grey shadow. I looked out the front window and saw smoke. Then a voice in my head said "It's okay. There's nothing you can do about that. Get out of the vehicle." I reached down, unbuckled my seatbelt, opened the door and stepped from the car. A man was stacking wood at his home nearby and had heard the accident. I made eye contact with him as he yelled to his wife to call for the ambulance. At that point I fell to the ground but remained conscience. Amazingly, this man's wife was a CNA and came to my side to hold my hand and tell me not to move until the paramedics arrived. I asked about Troy but Amanda (as I found out her name later) did not answer. I had overheard a firefighter say that Troy wasn't breathing as soon as they arrived. I just knew he was gone. There was a sadness in my heart, but also an unexplainable calm knowing that he wasn't hurt or suffering. I was taken by ambulance to Maine Medical Center to the trauma unit. After a full body CT scan I was told I only had four broken ribs, a slight lung puncture and a nicked spleen. I was also informed by a police sergeant that Troy did not survive the accident and had died instantly at the scene due to head trauma.

I think that was the longest night of my life. I had to call and notify Troy's mom, Sharon, and his stepdad, Gary. You can't even imagine the difficulty of that one call. I wish none of you to ever experience it. I also called my sister and my parents. Over the next hours my room phone didn't stop ringing. My dear friend, Candice, and her husband - and Troy's good friend - Bob, called to say they were coming out the following day. What a relief to know that I wasn't going to be alone. So many people offered to come to my side, but knowing my friends were coming to help me physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, I assured the others I would be okay.

Before I left the hospital on Tuesday morning I heard more about the accident. I was told the vehicle was upside down when it stopped against the pole and tree. My sister was told by the investigating officer that the accident was considered "unsurvivable." That the trauma unit had an operating room reserved for me as they were convinced I would have serious internal injuries. I feel that Troy must have helped me from that vehicle...or more likely his spirit and that of a higher power.

I have so much more to write about the goodness of humans. People who helped me who didn't even know me. The "divine intervention" on our flights back to Rapid City. So, so much more. This will have to wait for tomorrow.

What I do know is that I am not sad. I am truly blessed to have shared in Troy's life. Because of him I have wonderful family and friends. I traveled on incredible journeys. My eyes were opened to another world. I will not mourn my loss, but take the lessons that he taught me and build on them. I will also teach those lessons to the people I love...and even to people I have yet to meet.

lco

Troy Wayne O'Neill

2007-12-13T19:24:00.000-08:00

May 2, 1966 - December 2, 2007

Today, December 13, 2007

2007-12-13T19:10:00.000-08:00

Dear Friends,

Today I've created this blog for Troy. I want to share my memories, my feelings, my happiness and my tears. I hope to inform and inspire you...and myself along the way.

Troy was an incredible inspiration to so many. I am sad for myself that he passed before I was ready to say goodbye, however, I feel so incredibly blessed to have been such a huge part of his life. I know that I was his angel. He said it. His family and friends said it. I even said it. And that being my role, I promise to continue his legacy of adventure, humor, loyalty, love and friendship.

Please feel free to pass along your stories (via email or through comments) and I'll be sure to include them.

Enjoy the blog. I'll be adding to it often.
lco