It's not just the destination...

Beautiful Sunflower Fields in Logan, Montana

Another Healing Journey

I had a great trip to Rapid City last week. I went for a family reunion - which was actually down-sized due to other commitments, gas and flight prices, etc. Regardless of the lack of many out-of-towners, I was able to spend Friday through Sunday with Gary and Sharon! I always love our visits and come away feeling like an even bigger part of their family (if that's possible) and much closer to them and Troy, too. It's almost magical, how after a few days of talking, laughing and crying with Sharon and Gary I feel as if the hole in my heart is a little smaller and a little less calloused.

A few special notes about the week:
On Sunday afternoon we (Gary, Sharon, cousin Lonny, good friend Jerry and wife Nicole and myself) went to the plateau to place the identical cross we nailed at the crash site in Maine. It was a beautiful day and so nice to be together for such a special occasion. We even had Sheriff with us so he could run around and enjoy the plateau and the scenery (although he did bark at the cows on the way back!). I also brought along some of Handsome's ashes to lay at the base of the cross. I didn't share this with my family and friends on the plateau that day, but I have a new internet friend who recently lost her husband unexpectedly and has experienced a "spirit animal" --- Tiffany: I want you to know that Brian was with us that day as we remembered Troy.

A common occurrence in my life recently has been a connection with people I don't know who I've either been able to help or who have helped me with grief. A good example is my blog friend mentioned above. However, it's also happened here in Aberdeen and in South Dakota. I had an interesting encounter in Butte, Montana, on my way to RC that reminds me that every day, all over this planet, people lose their loved ones. It's hard. It doesn't matter what people tell you to try or say to you - you still have to go through your own grieving process. One day at a time. And sometimes, it's one hour or even one minute at a time. I so appreciate all the people in my life who give me support and love and understanding. I can't imagine having gone through Troy's loss without each and every one of you.

lco

Family

I'm headed to South Dakota for a family reunion next week. I can't wait to see my family! Sharon and I talk all the time and as much as I enjoy each of those conversations, it's just so nice to see my loved ones face to face! I also miss my dear friends, Maryjo and Candice and their great husbands and beautiful children. I have a jam-packed five day trip and am driving there and back (1200 miles one way). My little travel buddy, Sheriff, is coming with and will help to pass the long hours on the road.

As most of you reading this blog know, Troy has some wonderful grandparents in Rapid City. Red and Helen have been a part of my life since I met Troy. We used to go over to their house on Fox Run while we were still dating for dinner, and let me tell you, Grandma could put on a good meal! Since I had very few grandparents in my life growing up I have felt truly blessed to have these kind, loving, intelligent people in my life. Troy had great stories of Red and Helen traveling to Florida to see him, camping trips all over the mid-west in the Tioga, growing up on the ranch adjoining his grandparents property, how they helped after the flood of '72, and so many more. There's no way I can ever relate all of them here.

In 1996 I sent Helen a "Grandmother's Memories" book to fill out for Troy's 30th birthday. (I also sent one to Sharon to do the same). I ran across these books recently during my move and thought this was so darling. I wanted to share it here:

When I first became a grandmother, I felt: like a million dollars. Troy was my first grandchild and he was such a sweet, lovable boy - blonde and blue eyes. For me, some of the most enjoyable things about being a grandmother are: the many times Troy spent at our house, sometimes a week or two at a time. Our home was his home and we went to shows and shopping. I spent a lot of time at K-Mart while he decided which toys he wanted.

For me, I won't forget the times Grandma and Grandpa came to visit us. They flew to Portland when we lived on the Oregon Coast and also to Alaska. We even took them sailing near Juneau on our sailboat and Troy somehow coerced Grandpa into getting into the Zodiac inflatable boat for a ride! It was the funniest thing I've ever seen - Grandpa Red had one hand on the boat and the other on his cowboy hat and they were buckin' the waves!! Troy loved to share his enthusiasm and adventures with his grandparents and I think they loved it, too.

I'm so fortunate to have these wonderful people in my life. I'll see you both soon!

Love,

Lori

You Have Become

The following poem came to me today with Handsome's ashes. I thought it was beautiful and so appropriate for both Handsome and Troy.

You have become the wind that plays in my hair.

You have become the water that washes away my pain.

You have become the sun that takes away my tears.

You have become the shadow who gives me the power to fight with all my fears.

Now you are in heaven, sleeping your endless sleep,

Living your prettiest dreams on a cloud, so soft and so deep...

By Sanja Temnik