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Lori and Courtney, February 2008

The "W" Word

I have to tell you, I didn't consider myself a widow. It's hard to think about and even harder to say. However, I spent last week (February 4-9) trekking from Henderson, Nevada through Arizona and New Mexico visiting with relatives and friends and encountered numerous widows. I had no idea when I left here that the five days I had planned would be so incredibly emotional and healing.

First stop Aunt Jeri, my dad's sister, in Queen Creek, Arizona. She was widowed around her late 40's. Her husband passed away from cancer and left her and their 11 year old son behind. Jeri raises Arabian horses and continued to work their farm as a widow, as well she is an accomplished pianist who teaches lessons and plays every Sunday at church. She is now remarried, to Uncle Marty, a great guy! Jeri is an unbelievably focused and dedicated woman.

Tuesday I proceeded through Tucson to lunch with Brett's mom and dad, Jim and Sandy. They live in Vermont and winter in Arizona and I so enjoyed catching up with them since we weren't able to in Maine. We had a super (although too short!) visit and hope to catch up again soon.

This day also took me to my Great Aunt Harriet's in Portal, Arizona (just a few miles from the New Mexico border). Aunt Harriet and I have always had a connection - a bit earthy, easy-going, passion for travel. She has a beautiful rock house in Portal, a community of about 50 people. Her husband was a merchant marine and passed away about 35 years ago. Harriet was a school teacher and was due back from summer break just days after his death. She immersed herself in her work and never remarried or had children. She has an amazing presence, just so calm and all-knowing. I felt honored to spend two days with her and gain strength and understanding from her.

During my stay with Aunt Harriet I was also able to have dinner with Great Uncle Bob, his wife Marge and their daughter, Chris. Marge became a widow in her mid-20's and was left with two young children, and Chris (my dad's cousin) had lost her husband to cancer in her 40's. These strong, beautiful women looked into my eyes and offered comfort, knowing what only a widow knows about loss and loneliness.

Thursday morning I drove further east to Silver City, New Mexico in order to spend a day with friends of mine and Troy's from Oregon. They moved from the rain to the desert about 3 years ago. Sally and I worked together and Sean and Troy became good friends and golf buddies. Sally was previously married and lived in Fairbanks, Alaska. At the age of 33 Sally became a widow after Bruce passed away. I can't even begin to tell you how much the sharing of words and emotions with Sally touched my heart. We had experienced similar losses, that of our true love, and at very close ages. She gave me wisdom and comfort and I will never be able to thank Sally enough for that.

Friday brought me to the home of Craig and Ginny. They are the parents of Courtney, Troy's biological daughter, who was adopted into this wonderful family as an infant. We had an amazing talk and lots of great Mexican food for dinner! It was my first real time to talk with Ginny and Courtney since Troy's death, and my first meeting with Craig. It was strange that just the day before Sally had told me that this was my time to receive support, but that someday the tables would turn and I would be able to give that same gift. It was on this day that I felt my own power (physical, emotional and spiritual) and was able to offer up my love and support to Ginny and her family. We all go through traumas in life and the fact that our family and friends hold us up when we need it is truly an awe-inspiring event!

Saturday brought me back to Henderson. My week away was filled with knowledge and healing and time by myself to reflect on the previous two months. As I've said (and written) over and over, this is not a time to be sad, but a time to rejoice in the life we have been given and to truly LIVE each day. I am a widow, and I am grieving. However, I was a wife who was loved and cherished by a wonderful husband, Troy, a man I will never forget.

lco

Addendum

Gary asked me to post the story below and also the picture of him and Troy in the Zodiac. I took the liberty of also including photos of Gary with some "local girls" in Ketchikan, Gary at the helm and also on the bow of the sailboat. If you can't see his ear-to-ear smile in each picture than you must be blind!

Troy and I so enjoyed Gary's visit with us that week - he is a very willing and eager crew member and we could hardly get him away from the helm. My other thrill that week was that Troy and Gary celebrated my 32rd birthday with me in one of my favorite places on earth: Taku Harbor. It was also that morning that we saw the Orca family swimming alongside our boat. Who could have asked for better gifts?

Gary, I hope that together we add more adventures to our lifes' stories. I would be delighted to travel anywhere with you and I know Troy would want it for us, too.

Love always,
Your daughter,
Lori

Gary's Alaska Adventure

1/1/2008

Thank you Troy, for letting me experience and see things that few people will ever experience in their whole lives, especially a South Dakota boy. I sailed the Inside Passage with Troy and Lori. They were on their way from Seattle to Juneau, Alaska and I caught the sailboat in Ketchikan. I had no idea what was ahead of me, but I knew that Troy and Lori knew what they were doing and I was crew outfitted with white soled deck shoes and my Filson gear. I read the sailing book before I left, oh yes, and the book of knots and it gave me enough information to let me know that I was out of my league. I did know that I loved the water and boats and I needed to follow directions to be any help.

Ketchikan
Lori came over with the boat Taxi to pick me up at the airport, that was my first hint that I was in another world, and I loved it. Entering the marina greeted me with Eagles perched on the buoy entrance, and BOATS, what a kick, he dropped us off right at our slip. Troy was already checking the weather and double checking the minute of the tides. Handsome (the cat) was napping in his favorite bunk.

The weather was not cooperating, the next days winds were not going to be pleasant so we waited a day. I got to see Creek Street where in the old days you found bootleg whiskey and ladies of the night, now they sell fine jewelry to the tourists that come through on the huge cruise ships, 14 story ships, being on the dock next to them it was hard to believe they could float. When we got back from the tour of the town Troy had to take me for a ride in the Zodiac, this was a small inflatable pulled along for safety reasons, that was the story Troy kept telling me as we took the white knuckle ride across the bay and back, at full throttle. He was giggling the whole time.

Day 1
We pulled out of the marina and headed North, we just got out and away, beside us is a seaplane taking off, no mufflers and lots of horsepower. What a sendoff!!

Our first day was 90 some miles, we saw hump back whales in the first 20 miles and after we were away from the dock and a nice distance from land Troy gave me the wheel, he knew it was safe, we were 30 minutes from hitting land. I had a couple hours at the wheel then Troy came and sent me up to sit propped up against the mast, I had a beautiful and relaxing view. I had only been there a few minutes when an eagle came down 30 yards in front of the boat to pick a salmon out of the water and fly away, what an amazing adventure. We passed an island that was filled with sea lion, as we went by they were barking to us to say hello, you see it on TV but to see it in person takes your breath away.

Troy got us through some narrows that felt a little tight to me but with the electronics Troy said it was easy, main problem was the water flow was against us so it was slow going for about a mile then it opened up again and we picked up some speed. The day came to an end with a beautiful sundown that spread out forever being on the water having little or no land to confine it. Troy had a spot picked out to anchor for the night but it was already dark about an hour before we got there, it was that black dark, no moon for light. Troy and Lori were confident with the graphs and I had seen enough of what they were doing and how accurate they were to understand why, but I could not handle the pressure, I had to go up front to check it out, thank goodness I did there was a boat out in the middle of no where anchored for the night (no night lights) we were 100 yards away but it seemed closer when you don’t think anyone is there. Lori’s fine meal and a couple of cold beers ended a wonderful day of water and sun. Falling asleep on the boat with a light breeze and the gentle rocking of the boat is just about as peaceful as you will ever find.

Day 2
I forgot to tell you that being crew means you get to pull up the anchor, it was probably the most useful thing I did, I was glad to be of some help. We were about 30 miles from Brett’s cabin, it was very narrow and I really appreciated the great electronics Troy had installed, it showed the buoys and the depth of the water, and exactly where the boat was positioned in the channel. The amazing thing to me was that the cruise ships go thru that same channel. We got to the cabin, pulled off to the side of the channel and dropped anchor. The cabin was nestled back in the woods on the side of the mountain, directly across the water was a magnificent mountain with snow on the peaks. Brett came out to get us in the skiff, after a couple hours of greetings and checking out our surroundings we went to work moving in a new outhouse. Brett was creating a place that was self efficient and had a porch with a view that just didn’t quit. Late in the afternoon Troy, Brett and I and a dog (I can’t remember his name) went to check the crab pots, what a catch and what a meal fresh crab and Lori made a big pot of chili. We did not accomplish much after that meal. Brett started a fire in the cabin so we could sit around and tell stories until we could not stay awake any longer then we made our way back to the boat.

Day 3
It was 12 miles to Petersburg, we pulled into the marina to fuel up and get supplies to get us to Juneau. I jumped onto the dock and started tying up to the huge cleats, I had the boat secured and Lori and I ran up to get supplies, when we got back I noticed that both of the ropes were retied, needless to say they were perfect and both were exactly alike. The notes were perfect and everything on the boat was immaculate all the time. Troy and Lori kept the boat spotless and it showed comparing theirs to the rest of the marina. Troy checked the radio to see what we had coming while I fueled up. The wind was going to pick up so we found a bay on the map to get to by the end of the day. The wind was at our back and there was a light rain all day long. I had all the gear Troy told me I would need and I was steering the boat, it does not get any better that this, if I had to work in these conditions I would be whining big time, we no more than got anchored and strapped down in the bay when the wind hit 60 miles per hour. It was bad enough the Coast Guard pulled in to hide out for the night. I was very thankful for that bay.

Day 4
The storm had given up for the most part. Troy was checking the radio finding out what the day could bring. The start was going to be a little choppy but it should get better as the day progressed. We decided to go for it, the wind only blew for about an hour and then it was as calm as glass. We found ourselves being escorted by 24-30 porpoise. They would get as close to the boat as possible and cross just in front of the boat jumping over each other. They followed and played with us for 10-12 miles. Lori got some pictures and short clips, what a sight. A few miles later we spotted a family of orca, the mom and dad were huge and the kid was jumping out of the water as if he were playing games.

Troy had a large bay scoped out with a dock used by the forest service. It was a nice place to
camp. The three of us got into the zodiac for a ride way back into the bay, there were eagle everywhere, trees would have 8-10 birds in each tree. What an amazing animal.

Day 5
The further we got north the larger and grander the mountains grew, we came to our first glacier, it was incredible how much the temperature changed as we went past the inlet, the water was so clear and there was a line in the water of the tide coming in and the glacier water running out. I saw my first floating iceberg, it was a small chunk but I didn’t really want to find any large ones. I was glad Troy had the Kevlar hull, I really didn’t want to try it out. Our last night out was a bay that use to be an old salmon cannery where the boats could pull right up and dump their catch of the day, there was very little left other than the large wheels for the belt drive. Troy spent a couple hours cleaning and organizing the boat while Lori and I took a hike around the area. Troy had to warn me about the bear, I was looking over my shoulder quite frequently, I didn’t want to be lunch.

Day 6
This was the last leg into Juneau, it was a beautiful warm sunshine day, we met a cruise ship heading to the glacier we had passed. The peace and calm of being on the boat is something I will cherish forever. Pulling into town was a kick, it is one thing to fly into town but pulling up to the marina at the end of a fabulous journey gave you a thrill yet it was sad for it to be coming to an end. I had a little time before my flight so we got to see some old friends and have some lunch.

This was the first time I noticed that the world was still rocking, it took me four days before it stopped swaying.

Thank you Troy and Lori for memories that will last forever and giving me an experience that few people could only imagine.
With Love, Gary