The "W" Word

I have to tell you, I didn't consider myself a widow. It's hard to think about and even harder to say. However, I spent last week (February 4-9) trekking from Henderson, Nevada through Arizona and New Mexico visiting with relatives and friends and encountered numerous widows. I had no idea when I left here that the five days I had planned would be so incredibly emotional and healing.

First stop Aunt Jeri, my dad's sister, in Queen Creek, Arizona. She was widowed around her late 40's. Her husband passed away from cancer and left her and their 11 year old son behind. Jeri raises Arabian horses and continued to work their farm as a widow, as well she is an accomplished pianist who teaches lessons and plays every Sunday at church. She is now remarried, to Uncle Marty, a great guy! Jeri is an unbelievably focused and dedicated woman.

Tuesday I proceeded through Tucson to lunch with Brett's mom and dad, Jim and Sandy. They live in Vermont and winter in Arizona and I so enjoyed catching up with them since we weren't able to in Maine. We had a super (although too short!) visit and hope to catch up again soon.

This day also took me to my Great Aunt Harriet's in Portal, Arizona (just a few miles from the New Mexico border). Aunt Harriet and I have always had a connection - a bit earthy, easy-going, passion for travel. She has a beautiful rock house in Portal, a community of about 50 people. Her husband was a merchant marine and passed away about 35 years ago. Harriet was a school teacher and was due back from summer break just days after his death. She immersed herself in her work and never remarried or had children. She has an amazing presence, just so calm and all-knowing. I felt honored to spend two days with her and gain strength and understanding from her.

During my stay with Aunt Harriet I was also able to have dinner with Great Uncle Bob, his wife Marge and their daughter, Chris. Marge became a widow in her mid-20's and was left with two young children, and Chris (my dad's cousin) had lost her husband to cancer in her 40's. These strong, beautiful women looked into my eyes and offered comfort, knowing what only a widow knows about loss and loneliness.

Thursday morning I drove further east to Silver City, New Mexico in order to spend a day with friends of mine and Troy's from Oregon. They moved from the rain to the desert about 3 years ago. Sally and I worked together and Sean and Troy became good friends and golf buddies. Sally was previously married and lived in Fairbanks, Alaska. At the age of 33 Sally became a widow after Bruce passed away. I can't even begin to tell you how much the sharing of words and emotions with Sally touched my heart. We had experienced similar losses, that of our true love, and at very close ages. She gave me wisdom and comfort and I will never be able to thank Sally enough for that.

Friday brought me to the home of Craig and Ginny. They are the parents of Courtney, Troy's biological daughter, who was adopted into this wonderful family as an infant. We had an amazing talk and lots of great Mexican food for dinner! It was my first real time to talk with Ginny and Courtney since Troy's death, and my first meeting with Craig. It was strange that just the day before Sally had told me that this was my time to receive support, but that someday the tables would turn and I would be able to give that same gift. It was on this day that I felt my own power (physical, emotional and spiritual) and was able to offer up my love and support to Ginny and her family. We all go through traumas in life and the fact that our family and friends hold us up when we need it is truly an awe-inspiring event!

Saturday brought me back to Henderson. My week away was filled with knowledge and healing and time by myself to reflect on the previous two months. As I've said (and written) over and over, this is not a time to be sad, but a time to rejoice in the life we have been given and to truly LIVE each day. I am a widow, and I am grieving. However, I was a wife who was loved and cherished by a wonderful husband, Troy, a man I will never forget.

lco