I give thanks

Today is such a day of reflection for me. It's been almost one year since my life took a drastic turn and not a day goes by when I don't question why this all happened. Why am I here? Why did Troy die and why did I survive? Even though I ask these things over and over - I do know one answer - I'm here because my journey continues. I may not know exactly what that is, but I know that I do cherish the day and wake each morning with a smile knowing that I am alive and I do feel good. There may be valleys to balance my peaks...but they do not last and I am not depressed and I do not hate and I do the very most I can to limit my negativity - especially to those things or people that I have no control over.

So many people have touched my life in the last year that I know by naming you individually I will surely leave out someone important. Please don't take offense if you don't find yourself mentioned, because even if I may overlook someone inadvertently you are all important to me.

My parents. Your love, support, listening and respect have made a huge impact on my healing.

My sister. You have listened to me cry and scream. You took charge right away when Troy died and planned the memorial and made sure all those things that had to be done that I couldn't even think about doing were done. You are amazing and strong and I hope you know that.

Gary and Sharon. You were handed an incredible sadness with the death of your son, Troy. Yet you never faultered in taking care of your daughter - mentally, emotionally, spiritually and financially. I don't know how we would have survived this last year without each other. I have loved you since I met you and always felt a part of your family and want you to know that will NEVER change.

The kids: my nephews and niece. You may never know how incredible your youth, attitude, naivety, and sheer abandon have made me see the joy in life.

David. You opened your home to me and have always offered up good advice.

Maryjo. My "wife." I call her this because I feel the same things about her that we say in wedding vows - I love her no matter what! She's been such a rock in my life, and not just this last year, but since I met her. She's amazing!

Candice. My dearest friend. I don't know how I would have dealt with being in the hospital and packing the farmhouse without the help from her and Bob. Her faith in God is unwavering and the love and kindness that she has shown me in my life is worth more than all the money in the world!

Grandma and Grandpa. There are no words to express how blessed I feel to have you in my life!

Garry and Marcia. Your love, spiritual insight and ability to listen are so important to me.

Courtney. I think our relationship is a bridge for me. It combines my past with your future. I look forward to building our friendship.

Friends - old and new. I believe that each person who enters my life is here for a reason. You have all touched my heart and my soul and made me the person I am today.

I give thanks for all those I love and who love me, too. I hope that you know what you have done for me is without question the most selfless thing one human can do for another. If I can ever return the favor don't hesitate to let me know and I'll be by your side in an instant!

With all my love,
Lori

Let's Eat Cake!

Happy Birthday, Lilly!

Therapy

Yesterday I attended two therapy sessions - one private Acutonics (see: http://www.7keyssound.com/) session combined with acupuncture and one group Gong Attunement. It's hard to even put into words the different feelings I experienced from both these appointments. I definitely felt a freeing sensation and with my eyes closed could see clouds of gray particles leaving my body. I suppose these were the negative energies and/or bad thoughts, etc. I know all this "new age" stuff is a little weird for some of you, however, it sure seems to be helping me and at this point in life I make no judgements!

I was reminded that energy is a valuable thing and that the positive energy we have is meant for our mental, emotional and spiritual well being. Try to keep those negative thoughts out of your head and out of your life! I'm going to do my best...Also, surround yourself with positive people and events and don't forget to laugh.

We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. ~Frederick Keonig

Today I Cried

Have I shared that I haven't been able to cry since I came back from Rapid City in August? I think it was because of the closure that I experienced while I was there - placing the cross at the Plateau where Troy's ashes are spread and also leaving some of Handsome's ashes, as well. I had a great (although short) visit with Gary and Sharon and once again we were able to connect on an incredibly emotional level. Since that time I've been feeling that my sadness has been banished and replaced by such positive memories of Troy and all the wonderful things we experienced together. That I grew a lot in that time - that I gave and received love, joy and happiness. Three simple things that many people take for granted...or worse yet, never feel, or never allow themselves to feel.

Fast forward to today: I met a woman through a mutual friend. I'll call this new person in my life, MP, a definite spiritual connection. She's the owner of Soul Picnic, a special retreat center here, she's also a massage therapist and leader of a healing circle on Sunday mornings. As soon as I looked into her eyes I knew that this beautiful woman had come into my life for a very important reason. After just a few minutes of sharing the tears had sprung from my eyes, and let me tell you - RELIEF! Just in those brief seconds of talking I realized how (once again) I am strong, but I don't always have to be. This is my life and I love it and I have control over how I feel and who I let in to share it with...and I chose to add MP to my circle.

Don't call on Sunday morning, I won't be answering. I'll be at Soul Picnic taking care of me.
L